Reasons To Do A Man Detox

the dating detox

Source: Dean Mitchell / Getty

I had this alarming moment in my mid twenties when I woke up, realized there were no romantic prospects in my life, and I panicked. I’d had a few guys in rotation in the months leading up to that. There was one guy who I’d casually meet up with once or twice a month for a drink and, um, other stuff. But that just fizzled out. There was another guy who was very sweet and who I wanted to like—we went on about six dates—but the chemistry just wasn’t there. And there was an ex boyfriend who, against my better judgment, I’d been chatting with, dancing around the idea of getting back together. But I finally put an end to that because I knew it was no good for me. And then that was it. There were no men in my life. There would be no flirty texts coming my way. It worried me. And then it worried me that that worried me. We can become a bit addicted to male attention and romantic possibilities. But it’s good to be without them sometimes. So I swore myself to a man detox. Everyone should do one from time to time.

Remove the first date anxiety

When I was actively dating, I had a little anxiety in my life almost every day because I had some first date planned in the near future. That meant knowing that I’d have to be on and charming. It meant possibly falling for someone new, or having to reject someone. Once I stopped dating for a while those constant jitters just—poof—went away. It was nice.

Remove the dating app addiction

Let’s not forget the addiction that can be dating apps. Just knowing there could be someone better, one swipe away, had me chained to the apps, obsessing over when that DM would be returned or whether or not my profile picture was just right. I needed a cleanse from that, if nothing else.

Eliminate failed relationship pains

When you actively date, a few small sparks can fly. You can start a few little relationships that fail to launch. But, you sleep with the guy. You hang out for a couple of months. There is hope there. And if he ends it, it hurts. And if you end it, you feel a knot in your stomach. You can go through that six times in a year—easily—when you’re actively dating. It’s nice to get a break from that.

All those high expectations wear on you

If you’re putting yourself out there, you live every day with these high expectations floating around your subconscious. Every date could be the one. Maybe the sexual chemistry with this guy will be amazing. A lot of times, those expectations are shattered. It’s just a lot to put yourself through.

Focus on your friends

It can be really nice to just fall back in love with your friends. You didn’t realize how much time you spent on dating. Dinner with one man Friday night. Brunch with another Sunday. You don’t have that much free time to begin with, and a lot of it was going to these strangers instead of your besties. Put that time and energy into your girls. It feels good.

Get off your phone

When you’re really on the scene, you’re always on your phone. One guy is texting you flirty texts. Another is planning the logistics for tomorrow’s date. You’re getting notifications from your dating app. Even if none of this is happening, you’re watching your phone anticipating it. You aren’t present. You aren’t enjoying life to the fullest.

Make different use of free time

As mentioned before, you’ll free up a lot of time. You can spend that time enriching your soul. There are probably a lot of things you’ve been meaning to do, just for you, for a long time, like go to that museum exhibit, take yourself to that movie nobody else wants to see, enjoy a nature walk, have a spa day, go on a little road trip. Do it now.

Just to see that you can

It’s really important to do a male detox just to prove to yourself that you can. That’s why I did mine. The possibility that I was addicted to men frightened me. So, just like I occasionally quit drinking to remind myself that I can, I quit men.

Not only can you—you love it

You’ll learn that not only can you be without dudes for a while—you love it. You don’t just survive your male detox: you thrive during it. That’s a healthy and empowering discovery.

See what else is on your mind

Sometimes, we don’t realize how much mental real estate dating takes up. When you do a proper cleanse you notice, wow I thought about dudes and dating like all of the time. It was cluttering your brain. Now your mental real estate is freed up. Who knows what else is in there. A business idea? A book idea? A revelation about what you should be doing with your life?!

Become more discerning

Once you know you cannot only be fine but really happy on your own, you’ll become far more discerning when you do start dating again. You won’t settle for anybody who would bring your happiness levels down, even one notch, because you know you can make yourself plenty happy. You stop picking guys out of the fear of being alone because that fear is gone.

Pull your head out of your *ss

Real talk: we can all be a bit self-absorbed when we’re dating. It’s all we think about and talk about. We can fail to notice that a good friend has been going through something tough or we can fail to celebrate some great news in another friend’s life.

Re-find yourself

Whether you want to admit it or not, you edited and adjusted yourself a bit while dating. You made little changes to adapt to this man or that man. You couldn’t just be yourself. Now you can. Ah. How nice.

Feel more settled

Being actively dating can leave you feeling like you’re always at a loss. Your subconscious brain believes that you don’t have something that you need or want. You feel you are missing something. It can be nice to release that sensation for a while and just feel calm.

Throw aesthetic caution to the wind

Let’s be real: it can also just be nice to run errands with yesterday’s mascara on, unwashed hair, ratty sweat pants and an old college t because you aren’t trying to attract anybody right now.

Related Tags

detox single advice single living

More from MadameNoire