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We’d obviously like to think that we’d never find ourselves on a date with a misogynist in the first place. But, misogynists know how to disguise themselves in plain sight for a while. They, of course, do not know they are misogynists. They think they are, well, correct (ugh), and they think women have “silly” ideas about how men should behave. Many of them just have the plan of roping in a woman who has strong values and opinions, and then oppressing her will until she becomes a “good girl” again. I know: it makes my skin crawl, too. The good news is that there are things misogynists can’t stop themselves from doing—it’s muscle memory for them—that give away their gross views. If you catch these (among other red flags), you can just get out of there fast.
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He takes control of the restaurant
First, you suggest places you’d like to go, and he tells you why those won’t be a good idea. Then, after choosing the place, he’s pushy about other factors like when you go (he insists you’ll get better service during a certain hour), and then he orders for you there. He generally believes his opinions are just better—actually, that they are fact.
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He advises you on dress code
There are men who do this to be helpful—like they’ll tell you to wear comfortable shoes because you’re going on a date that involves a lot of walking or an outdoor area. But this misogynist advises you that it’s a “nice place” so you should “wear something appropriate” or something like that.
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He scoffs at scantily-clad women
You catch him looking at women who are just having a good time—it’s girls’ night out, they’re wearing clothes that show off their figures, and they’re taking shots and having fun. He looks at them disgustedly.
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He comments on your drinking
When you order a third glass of wine he makes a comment about it not being very lady-like or worrying you won’t be able to compose yourself.
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He’s not interested in your work
When you talk about your work—with passion and enthusiasm—he gives a generic response like, “Well that’s great” and changes the subject. Perhaps he changes it to how beautiful you are, or he changes it to himself.
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He speaks of exes with disgust
He speaks of women with whom he has had sex with disgust and disdain. Think about that: he was involved in ongoing relations with these women and he speaks of them with total disrespect.
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He uses the phrase “a good woman” a lot
He uses phrases like “a good woman” and “a nice girl.” He talks about the demure housewives and stay at home moms of his friends with praise, as if they know how to be “good women.”
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And words like “sweetheart” and “doll”
He also addresses women with terms like “sweetheart,” “doll,” and “hun.” He’ll do this to women he wants something from, like a hostess who could give him a better table, and after they walk way, he’ll change his tone entirely and speak of that “doll” in a rude manner.
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There’s not a lot of listening happening
He’s just a terrible listener. He doesn’t ask follow-up questions. He turns everything you say into a different conversation about himself. You can just sense he struggles to listen to a woman talk for more than three minutes straight.
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He’s condescending to female servers
He speaks to female servers, baristas, bartenders, hostesses, and pretty much anyone waiting on him in a condescending fashion. If he speaks to women who are working for him like that, he’ll eventually talk to you like that.
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He finds your opinions “cute”
When you give an enlivened speech about a subject about which you’re passionate—or even enraged—he gives a chuckle and says that your “sassiness” is “cute.”
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Ignoring the other woman on a double date
If you go on a double date, he only speaks to the other man—not the other woman. He’ll even ask the man questions about the other woman, as if she isn’t sitting right there, capable of answering for herself.
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He’s in awe of mundane achievements
He’s absolutely in awe of the fact that you do things like pay all of your bills by yourself or own your car. The fact that you fixed your own faucet amazes him.
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He makes blanket statements about women
He says things about women that he believes to be true of all women. He says things like “That’s how women are” or “You know how women can be” or “Women are always doing that.”
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He criticizes men for having “women’s jobs”
He speaks derogatorily about men who have jobs that he believes are “women’s jobs.” He makes fun of a man he knows who is a receptionist or a nurse, for example.
