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I see a lot of people in their thirties and beyond carrying out dating behavior that, quite frankly, we should all leave behind in our twenties. Don’t get me wrong: we do have to make these mistakes in order to learn what to do right in the future. But, that being said, most individuals will mess up in these ways once if not many times before turning 30. If you’re still acting like this, it isn’t because you haven’t had the chance to learn from your lessons: you just refused to pay attention and make changes. But really, after our twenties, we should have gotten most of these immature dating behaviors out of our systems. There comes a time when there is just no excuse to still act like this.
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Ghosting
Awkward conversations are hard. Telling someone you simply aren’t feeling him and don’t want to see him anymore isn’t easy. It’s especially true if you think that, in general, he’s a great guy. You don’t want to destroy his ego by telling him he’s not great for you.
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Be honest so he can move on
While telling a guy that you’re not into him can feel cruel, you know what’s even crueler? Wasting his time. He’s foregoing pursuing a relationship with someone else—someone who may be right for him—because he doesn’t know it’s over with you. How would he know? You won’t tell him.
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Rebounding
Can we all finally learn that we should not date one person immediately after breaking up with another? By our thirties we should know that we don’t get to skip the grieving process and just dive into a new relationship. It never works out.
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Don’t waste others’ time
When you rebound, you just waste the new person’s time. He’s looking for something meaningful, and thinks that his time with you is potentially working towards something serious. He doesn’t know he’s just helping you run from your breakup pain for a while. You’re wasting the time of anyone you date immediately after getting out of a relationship.
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Keeping one on the back burner
Maybe there is one guy who you could see as a potential partner, but you’re not really interested right now. You feel like he isn’t going anywhere, so you can explore other options for now. Meanwhile, you flirt with him just enough to keep his attention.
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Go for it or set him free
For goodness sake, just either attempt a romantic relationship with this guy or set him free. Go for it or make it clear you just want to be friends so he stops holding out hope. It’s not right to treat someone like a backup plan.
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Dating him as an experiment
We all go through that phase of trying different types of men as if they are samples of ice cream. I did it. I dated the tight-laced finance guy and then the surfer who lived in his car.
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He’s a person
Treating men like experiments isn’t right after a certain age. You know why? Because they are also past the age of thinking that’s fun. They think you see them as individuals and not just some category you haven’t sampled yet. Plus, after a certain age we should learn not to stereotype men as “types” and see past surface stuff to who they are as individuals.
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Living in the grey area
In my twenties, I let a lot of guys keep me in a grey, casual area for months or years. I didn’t want to be pushy and ask where things were going. There is that fear that asking “What are we?” will mean you wind up as nothing.
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Just ask him what’s up
This is another lesson we should learn about every type of relationship by our thirties: anybody who has your interests at heart will not be bothered by you simply asking where you stand with them. That goes for friends, employers, and romantic partners.
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Rebelling against our parents
I get it: for a long time I exclusively dated men who were the opposite of what my mom wanted for me. I was so angry with her for trying to dictate whom I dated that I still, in a way, let her dictate it.
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Again, men aren’t devices
First off, men aren’t devices you can just use to upset your parents. But more importantly, it’s time to release any concern over what your parents think of your romantic partner. It’s time to stop trying to impress them. You’re the one who will spend potentially a lifetime with him. Only your opinion matters. (And maybe your good friends’.)
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Staying in it if it isn’t working
If you know this relationship has to end eventually, turn eventually into today. Why wouldn’t you? You get nothing from hanging on.
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You aren’t getting any younger
Look, you aren’t getting younger and that dead-end relationship isn’t improving. So any minute you stay in it is a waste of precious time. There’s no getting around the inevitable breakup, so you may as well just get it over with.
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Inappropriate sex
With a boss, a neighbor, a friend’s ex. It’s eventually just immature to find excitement in these inappropriate sexual encounters.
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It’s not worth it
After a certain age, we should learn how precious and rare a good friend is, a good living situation is, or a good job is, and we shouldn’t risk it all for one sexual encounter.
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