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“I’m done being sweet” or “No more Mr. Nice guy” are things I’ve heard people say about their dating experiences. I’ve dated a few men who were cold and withholding, and I eventually realized it’s because they had been kind, thoughtful, and generous in a previous relationship, and got walked all over. So now I was left with the bitter shell of a person they’d become. Hey, I almost adapted such a mentality myself. I’m a nurturer, and I dated many men who took advantage of that, and left me feeling like the only way to be safe was to stop being so sweet. But you know what? That’s not right. We shouldn’t let cold people break us. To be loving and kind and nurturing is a strength—not a weakness. You just have to find someone who celebrates that and nurtures you back. And here’s a look at what it’s like being with a man who abuses versus celebrates your nurturing spirit.
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Abuses: asks you to cancel plans for him
A man who will abuse your nurturing nature will ask you to cancel plans that you have without him—that you were looking forward to—in order to be with him. He may even tell you that you’re selfish for having girls’ night or going to the spa when he is saying he wants to spend time with you.
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Nurtures: is happy you’re doing something fun
A nurturer will of course wish he could spend time with you, but more than that, he’ll be happy that you’re doing something you enjoy and that is good for you. He celebrates that you take care of yourself and have a life of your own.
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Abuses: looks for ways out of doing favors
A man who will take advantage of your empathy and understanding will look for ways to get out of doing favors for you. If you ask for his help with something, he’ll immediately start listing reasons he can’t or it isn’t convenient for him, knowing that you won’t push the issue.
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Nurtures: looks for favors to do for you
A nurturer often doesn’t even need to be asked to do you a favor in the first place, because he is always looking for ways to help you and to make your life more enjoyable. Even if it is inconvenient for him to help you, he’ll try to make it happen.
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Abuses: treats you as a therapist
A man who abuses the fact that you are so nurturing will treat you as his therapist. He’ll want to drone on about everything from his annoying coworker to his withholding father to his insecurities about his career, knowing you’ll listen and tend to him. But when you need to talk, he’ll be too tired to listen.
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Nurtures: acts as a sounding board
A man who nurtures you will want to be your sounding board. He will make sure conversations are not a monologue but a dialogue. If he can tell you’re working something out, he wants to make sure you know you can talk to him.
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Abuses: takes out a bad day on you
A man who abuses your generous nature will take out his frustrations on you after a bad day. He’ll be mean, sarcastic, and distant. He knows that you won’t lash out at him for it or tell him to behave better, because you’re so sweet.
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Nurtures: is grateful for you after a bad day
A nurturer would never take out his bad day on you: he’s too focused on how lucky he is to have you after such a tough day. He’ll want to love you and be sweet to you and focus on how good things are at home with you.
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Abuses: only goes along if it’s fun for him
A man who is abusive of your understanding mentality will only go along with you to things you want him at, if he thinks it will be fun or beneficial to him. Otherwise, he’ll just say, “I don’t want to.”
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Nurtures: goes along if you need him
A nurturer will go with you if you tell him you’d like his company or support. He doesn’t just focus on whether or not he’ll get something out of it.
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Abuses: gets angry with you for being upset
A selfish man will get angry at you for simply expressing your needs and telling him when he has messed up. If you let him know he’s being a bad partner, he will say something like, “How can you bring this up when you already know I’m stressed about other things?”
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Nurtures: sees it as his job to keep you happy
A nurturer sees it as his job to keep you happy, just like you see it as your job to keep your partner happy. If you even hint that he has let you down in some way, he’ll immediately be on the task of fixing it.
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Abuses: gets angry if you overschedule
The selfish man will wait until the last minute to plan something with you (perhaps he was waiting to see if something better came along). Then, when he discovers you’re busy because you already booked up your week, he gets upset with you for not leaving time open for him.
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Nurtures: wouldn’t let that happen
The nurturing man wouldn’t let you book up your week like that because he prioritizes you. He already asked you last week when a good time would be to see you this week, to make sure you two could be together, but to also give you the freedom to make other plans around him.
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Nurturers think about others
Nurturers just come from a standpoint of, “How do my actions affect others? How can I help my partner feel happy and supported?” When you get two nurturers together, you can see a life-long happy relationship. If you feel your nurturing nature has been abused, please, don’t change: just find another nurturer who is just like you.
