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There are so so many reasons not to get involved with a man who is in a relationship with somebody else (so, SO many reasons. Really can’t stress that enough.) And I’m talking about men who are either married or have even just been in a committed relationship with someone for a long time, because if a couple has been together for years and shares a life together, that infidelity hurts just as much as if it were a marriage. From a simple empathy, be-a-good-human standpoint, there are a lot of reasons not to get involved with such a man. But even if you just want to look at it from a selfish standpoint, since sometimes it can be hard to empathize with someone you’ve never met (like his wife), think about it this way: your relationship with a man never had a chance of even getting off the ground if it was born from an affair. You can give it a shot, even if he does leave her for you (though that rarely happens), but even then you’ll see it was doomed from the start. It was rotten at the roots.
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You’ll never trust him
Even if he does leave her and become your partner, you’ll never trust him. The truth will sink in: if he was able to cheat on her he’ll be able to cheat on anyone. You saw what an incredible liar he was. Who is to say he won’t use those lying abilities on you?
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He won’t fully respect you
He will always a little bit see you as the mistress type. You’ll always be the woman who didn’t respect the sanctity of a relationship. He’ll see other happy, loyal couples in which the woman came into the relationship via innocent and ethical means, and he’ll just know you aren’t such a woman.
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Friends & family won’t approve
Your network won’t accept him. They know he’s a cheater. They also saw the pain he put you through for the months (or years) he kept promising to leave her for you and didn’t. They can’t un-know that.
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You had fights that haunt you
The arguments that can arise between a man and his mistress are some of the most venomous that exist. You will do and say truly nasty things, because you don’t quite feel the same pressure to behave yourselves as you do with a legitimate partner.
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You can’t leave the conflict behind
You cannot just forget the awful fights you had when you were pressuring him to leave her, he’d say he would, then he’d change his mind. You think that that can all be in the past once you legitimize this relationship and yet, you’ll still be angry and hurt by it. It will turn out that him leaving her for you won’t erase the pain he caused.
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There’s so much pressure
The excitement over finally being officially together will quickly be overcome by panic. You’ll realize, “Oh sh*t. We destroyed our reputations for this and hurt a lot of people. This relationship really better work out. Like, seriously.” There is more pressure on it than there is on any relationship that’s started in a pure fashion.
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He relationship hopped
He walked out of one relationship into another, meaning he didn’t take any time to himself. He didn’t take the time to grieve his last relationship or to even just tend to himself for a bit.
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And he may feel smothered
Because he relationship hopped, he may feel smothered by you. And, you aren’t getting a real version of this relationship. He is still messed up from his last one. You don’t get him as a clean slate.
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He can hold it over you
He left someone for you, which may be something he reminds you of regularly. Any time you fall out of line of his idea of the perfect partner he may remind you, “Hey this is how you behave after I ended another relationship to be with you?! I could’ve stayed with her and I didn’t!”
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He may lose his social circle
His social circle may abandon him. If he was with his ex for a long time, most of his friends may have also been her friends and they choose her in the breakup. He’s he one who did a bad thing, so of course they choose her.
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So you’re his whole life now
So now you’re not only his girlfriend but you’re also his entire social life. You’re beginning to realize that he gave up a lot to be with you. And the pressure builds.
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It may affect his living circumstances
If he lived with her, then odds are that she’ll get the home. He’s the one breaking things up so at the very least, she shouldn’t have to move.
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So you may need to move in fast
If he loses his home out of this, you’ll feel pressure to take him in. Now you’re living with a guy you’ve only really been dating for a week now. That’s a recipe for a disaster.
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Much of the allure was the sin
You’ll quickly find that most of what you enjoyed about being with this man was the forbidden nature of it. You loved sneaking around. You loved feeling that he desired you so much that he was willing to take risks for you.
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The legitimacy becomes boring
When he’s suddenly just the dude leaving the bathroom door open so he can watch TV while using the toilet in your home, your feelings about him change. Maybe once you really have him, you don’t want him
