How To Level Up In Love After Wasting Years With A F*ckboy

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News of Cassie Ventura’s engagement to Alex Fine sent the internet into a frenzy. Not only is the singer and model expecting her first child and preparing to marry the love of her life, but she’s doing so just one year after deading her going-nowhere-fast relationship with Diddy. Cassie is among a host of celebrity women that we’ve recently witnessed reclaim their time after wasting years in trash relationships with undeserving men. One question that is constantly asked surrounding these stories of redemption is “What was her prayer?” It’s a valid question because prayer most certainly works. At the same time, it’s an oversimplification of the issue at hand. If you’re truly looking to level up like Ciara, Karrueche, Christina Milian, and Cassie, it starts with making better choices. Continue reading if you’re ready to live your best f*ckboy-free life.

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Close the door for good

The first and most important step on the path to leveling up after a dead-end relationship is to pull the plug on that relationship for good. It’s virtually impossible to build a life with the man or woman of your dreams if you’re always running back to dead things.

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Spend some time alone

Exiting a dead-end relationship does not mean that you should immediately dive headfirst back into the dating game. Taking a moment to reflect and regroup is an essential step to making better decisions moving forward.

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Draft up a list of nonnegotiables and stick to it

We often find ourselves in unhealthy relationships because we don’t have a clear vision of what we want in a partner. Making a list of nonnegotiables will help to keep you on track.

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Consider the role you played

It’s very easy to play the victim after a failed relationship, but that will get you nowhere. Both parties play a role in relationships and when you refuse to acknowledge how you contributed to the problem, you’re placing yourself in a position for history to repeat itself.

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Date yourself

It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship — especially an unhealthy one — which is why it’s important to spend time getting reacquainted with yourself and your interests as an individual.

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Let that hurt go

This may be one of the hardest parts of moving on to better after a toxic relationship, but it’s the most important. Harboring resentment or bitterness will only weigh you down in your next relationship and in life in general.

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Give yourself space to heal

It’s best to leave the rebounds to basketball. Hopping from one relationship to the next is unhealthy and is unlikely to lead you to the partner of your dreams. Take the time to heal from what you’ve been through so that you’re fully ready to embrace a healthy partnership when it comes along.

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Shift your focus

Any time finding love is your sole focus in life, you’re going to come up short. While it’s definitely okay to be open to romance and even to actively pursue it, you’ve got to have something else going for yourself. Is there something new you’ve been wanting to accomplish or a new hobby you’ve been thinking about taking up? Do it!

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Consider your patterns

In the words of Iyanala Vanzant, “You’ve got to do your work.” If you never slow down long enough to think about your patterns in relationships, you’ll likely find yourself in the same predicaments over and over. Acknowledging your own unhealthy relationship habits is a key step to making better decisions. When you know better, you do better.

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Keep an open mind

Often times, the love of your life is nothing like what you imagined and everything that you never knew you needed. So when you are ready to open yourself up to dating, try to be open to new things. You may be pleasantly surprised by what you find.