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When you do it, you feel your skin crawl. You know you have made a mistake. If there were a little devil and a little angel on either of your shoulders, much like in cartoons, pulling you to their side, you know that you went to the devil side. You chose status among strangers rather than time with a loved one. You chose money and luxury over a modest life, but with people who make you smile. You gave into the temptation that said “Feed your ego. You’re powerful and great and should keep climbing.” Meanwhile, your spouse is at home, eating the dinner he made for you, alone, because you bailed on him yet again. Does this sound familiar? And does it make you sad? It’s a delicate dance but, have you been putting work before your relationship too much lately?
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Your date nights become office parties
You promise your partner it will just be you and him. You will have an intimate date night. But a colleague calls and says she is in the neighborhood. She asks if you want to grab a drink. You ask your partner if she can stop by just for a little bit. But, oh look at that, she has another colleague with her. Suddenly your intimate date night is a little office party in your apartment.
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Or you find “couples activities” that benefit your work
When looking for something fun to do for you and your partner this weekend, you are also partially looking for something that would benefit your career. You are looking for an activity where you can possibly do some research, or do a little networking. You do not only have the interests of your partner in mind.
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You put your partner in the spotlight but he does not want it
In some capacity, you have pushed your partner into the spotlight even though he is not comfortable with that, all for the benefit of your work. Perhaps you made him appear in a video you were making, or you wrote an article about personal details of his life.
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You turn double dates into brainstorming sessions
On double dates, the other couples take an interest in a project you are working on. They want to pitch ideas to you. They think it is fascinating. Even though you told your partner it would not be all work talk tonight, you cannot resist the attention. This double date just became a brainstorming session for your work.
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You have networked his friends inappropriately
You have asked your partner’s friends or family for jobs, opportunities, referrals, or shout outs, without consulting your partner first. You have networked your partner’s network and not asked him if that was okay.
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In fact, you have asked them for money
You have even asked your partner’s friends and family if they want to invest in an idea of yours, once again without asking him if that is okay.
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You allow flirting from male peers
You have tolerated and perhaps encouraged flirting from men in your industry who could help your career. Even though this is greatly disrespectful to your partner, you try to explain to him that it’s just the way things work.
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You allow peers to disrespect your partner
You have allowed people who could influence your career to speak in a disrespectful or condescending manner to your partner. You try to laugh it off, and say it is a joke. But you and your partner both know what just happened.
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You make posts that make him uncomfortable
You make social media posts to promote your work that make your partner uncomfortable, and certainly make him look bad to the rest of the world. Perhaps you post videos and photos in which you look provocative and certainly not like a woman in a committed relationship.
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You force him into collaborations
Maybe you and your partner work in the same industry, which can be complicated. While he would like to have a hard and fast rule about not working together, you have forced him into collaborations. Even though these were not good for your romantic relationship, they were lucrative, so you went for it anyways.
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You choose every networking event
You are not selective about networking events. You will attend every single event that may possibly move your career forward even if incrementally, even if that means passing up on quality time with your partner.
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You will not delegate
You are so controlling over your career that you will not delegate. Even if you clearly need an assistant, and even if you can afford an assistant, you refuse to hand the reins over to anyone else even if it could mean spending more time with your partner.
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You dipped into family funds
You have dipped into collective accounts to fund your career. It was clear that this made your partner sad, and even nervous, but you pushed him, and he said yes, and that was enough for you. You didn’t seem to care that this made your partner nervous.
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Holidays are spent at industry events
You spend the party holidays like New Year’s Eve and Labor Day at networking events or industry parties. You always pressure your partner to go to these instead of his childhood friends’ barbecue.
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You don’t create boundaries around vacation
You put in minimal effort around the important holidays. If he wants both of you to visit his family for Christmas, you want to fly in on the 23rd, and you want to leave on the night of the 25th. You will only take off the minimal amount of time required.
