Signs Your Friend Is In A Binge/Purge Cycle
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It’s never easy when a loved one struggles with an eating disorder, but adult eating disorders are particularly sensitive. It can feel like we cross the line by telling a grownup that, in a major way, she is unstable—that she perhaps doesn’t have it all together. Ironically, those with eating disorders usually feel that obsessively controlling their food and exercise is a way of having it all together. But, disordered eating is typically a symptom of deep emotional or psychological issues. And it’s never easy to say to your friend, who presents as so put together, “Hey…I don’t think you’re okay.” Adults are usually much better at hiding their eating disorders, too, since they don’t live with their parents anymore, and perhaps don’t have roommates. But if you have concerns or suspicions that your friend is struggling, here are signs someone is likely in a binge/purge cycle.
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She takes the stairs no matter what
Even if your destination is on the 16th floor, she’ll take the stairs. “It’s fun!” she says. “I enjoy it!” she insists. She’s taking the stairs even when she’s already running pretty late. It’s a compulsion. She refuses to miss the chance to burn the calories.
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Social activity must be physical
When you get together, she always wants to do something physical, like meet at a rock wall climbing facility or go for a power walk. Sometimes you say, “I’m tired, is it okay if we just meet for coffee?” but she pushes you to join her for a spin class.
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If it isn’t, she makes it so
If you do talk her into a lazy afternoon, she makes it physical. She goes for a jog around the building while you wait for your food to arrive. You’re lying on the beach, and she’s doing sit-ups. She can’t just relax.
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She orders nothing at the big celebration
She comes to a major celebratory meal—perhaps a good friend’s 40th birthday party—that has been planned for weeks or months now and eats…nothing. That’s not really a way to get into the festive spirit. And, she knew this meal was coming so, why didn’t she plan accordingly? She may have binged earlier.
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She builds her life around gym hours
You’ll get dinner together, and she’ll rush off rather rudely early to make it to the gym before it closes. She’ll pay an extra $200 a night to stay at the hotel that has a fitness center. It’s just a two-day trip. She can’t be without a gym for two days?
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She goes MIA for days at a time
Sometimes, she just goes MIA on you for days, not responding to calls or texts and disappearing from social media. If she’s had a really bad binging episode, she may not want to face the world—she may not have the strength to pretend she is okay.
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Then wears very baggy clothes
When you do see her directly following one of her MIA episodes, she’s wearing very baggy clothing. You find this odd because she has a lovely figure, and she’s wearing an XXL sweatshirt and sweatpants. To brunch. The rest of you are in sundresses and floppy hats.
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She’s fascinated by your eating habits
When you indulge in a piece of cheesecake or the pasta Alfredo, she seems to be watching you, almost obsessively. She’s fixated on the way that you just enjoy that food in such a carefree manner. She stares at it, you offer her a bite, and she insists she doesn’t even like that food.
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Specifically, that you don’t worry about them
When you eat heavy foods, she says things like, “I admire you for just ordering that stuff and not feeling bad about it.” But…what’s there to feel bad about?
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She will mysteriously cancel at the last minute
She often cancels at the last minute on plans she was recently so excited for. As recently as 12 hours ago, she was texting you about how much she was looking forward to this and now she says she isn’t feeling well and can’t make it. She may have just binged and now she feels too bad to enjoy herself.
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She gets nervous around certain foods
You notice her get uncomfortable around certain foods or food establishments. You’ll walk by an ice cream place, you say, “Let’s go in!” and she’ll urgently grab your arm and say, “Is it okay if we don’t” and almost rush away. It’s possible she binged there once, and it brings back bad memories.
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She doesn’t want you in her home
If, along with all of these other signs, she never wants you to go to her home, that could be because you’ll see the signs. The giant empty pizza and donut boxes. The laxatives. She may even have books about her disorder.
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She’s often on a cleanse
She’s always on some new cleanse. But, you can’t remember the last time she consumed even one slightly unhealthy thing that one would need to cleanse from their body.
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She overdoes it when you work out together
When you exercise together, you see this look come over her eyes like that of an addict. She looks crazed. You and the other friends got off your bikes a half hour ago and are enjoying smoothies in the café, but she is still pedaling away. She looks miserable and desperate.
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She’ll meet you after the meal
If everyone is getting together for a meal, she often says she’ll meet you after. She can’t just come and order an appetizer or a coffee? No. She’s worried she’ll order more.
