Things To Discuss With Your Parents Before They Pass
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Nobody wants to think let alone talk about the day their parents will pass on. It feels somehow risky to even touch on the subject. But, the truth is that, we all most go at some point. Your parents know that there will be aftermath when they pass on, and that it will be you and your siblings (if you have any) that will handle that. They want that transition to be as easy as possible for you knowing that, naturally, it won’t be easy at all. But, if you have certain conversations and make specific arrangements today, while you’re still in a good emotional state, then when that tough day comes, you can mostly just grieve. You can just deal with your feelings, and not have to face complex logistical questions while you’re devastated. Now is the time you can make clear-headed decisions. Here are conversations to have with your parents before they pass on.
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I need legal and financial contacts
Your parents have attorneys, lawyers, and account managers with whom you’ll need to speak when they pass. Ask them to write down all of those, including names, phone numbers, and addresses.
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I also need medical contacts
Your parents also have a list of medical contacts, from general physicians to specialists, who they’d probably like you to communicate with if they are incapacitated. These professionals have their medical history, which the current doctors tending to your parent in urgent care or the ICU will need.
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Do you have a will?
This is an important one: make sure your parents have a will. Not everyone does. But, if they are over the age of 60 (and perhaps even 50) they should have created one by now.
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If so, how old is it?
If they do have a will and have for some time now, how old is that will? If it is over five years old, there have probably been many changes in their life—financially and personally. The will may need to be updated to reflect those.
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Who will execute the will?
You need to know who the executor of the will is. You don’t want your parents to pass on, and somebody to show up, stating they’re the executor, but you’ve never met this person. Or, perhaps you are the executor. That’s important to know.
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What about life insurance beneficiaries?
Are life insurance beneficiaries up to date? There are a lot of changes in life. Perhaps, at one point, your sibling’s spouse was on there, but your sibling has since gone through a divorce.
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Who has power of attorney?
If your parents are not in any condition to make legal decisions for themselves—if, for example, they are in a coma or have advanced Alzheimer’s disease—a power of attorney will step in. You should know who that is.
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Do you have an advanced healthcare directive?
An advanced healthcare directive is a document that states what medical actions this person would want to take, if they weren’t in a condition to make those choices. Perhaps due to illness or memory loss, your parent would not be able to make decisions about her health. She’ll pre-make these decisions now, and put them in a healthcare directive.
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Can you organize insurance policies for me?
Your parents likely have plenty of insurance polices between health, life, home, disability, and so on. Make sure they organize all of these in one place for you. You’ll need to communicate with those companies when your parents are ill, and after they pass.
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What about tax files and deeds?
Tax files and deeds should also be organized for you. Even if your parents don’t want you to see those now, they should at least have them all in one place, and they can write down where they keep these on a piece of paper.
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Can you organize account information?
Your parents likely have several bank accounts, mutual funds, and other financial accounts. You need to know what these are, where they are, how much is in them, and logins and passwords. You also need to know where safety deposit boxes are, and you need the keys.
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What about senior care?
What about when your parents are still alive, but unable to care for themselves? Have they looked into retirement communities? Do they want an in-home nurse? Where are the funds to pay for this care? If you’ll be taking care of them, you should prepare for that major life change.
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Do you want to be buried or cremated?
This one is tough, but it needs to be discussed in advance. When your parents pass on, you’ll want to honor them by knowing you handled their remains in the way they wished.
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Wishes for memorial service?
You need to talk about the memorial service too, of course. Have they looked into places? Who is it important for you to invite? Would it be at a religious institution? Is there someone they’d want to speak at it?
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Any lessons you wish to pass on?
Finally—and this one is more positive—ask if there are any life lessons they’d like to pass on. They can take joy in knowing that they’ll live through you and enhance your life with their wisdom, after they’re gone.
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