10 Black Men Discuss What Marriage Means To Them

Source: Jonathan Jenkins / Jonathan Jenkins

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”
― Dave Meurer

When one thinks of the word ‘marriage’, it’s easy to focus solely on everything leading up to it: meeting bae, falling in love, getting engaged, and the wedding! Our society spends so much time focusing on the big day, and not enough time talking about ‘forever.’ There are many definitions of marriage. According to Merriam-Webster, marriage is defined as ” the state of being united as spouses in a consensual or contractual relationship recognized by law.”It is also simply defined as an “intimate or close union.” MN decided to ask black men why they wanted to get married and what the concept or commitment means to them.

Steve Morrow, Engaged

I want to get married because I found someone I want to take care of, raise a family with and do everything with forever. She was the first person I met that I wanted to put her needs in front of my own. We can be ourselves together, and we make each other better every day. I know she will always be there for me and is supportive in everything I do. We make a great team and I couldn’t imagine going through life without her or with anyone else. I know I could never find anyone else that would make me feel that way and wanted to make sure I never lost her.

@stevemorrow20

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Derek Frederick

There are a few reasons why I would want to get married. The first one is the comfort factor. To know, trust and believe someone is with you and only you until “death do us part” is a very comforting feeling. Another reason why I would like to get married is that I pride myself on never becoming or will ever be someone’s “baby daddy”. If I ever do have a kid/kids, I would want that to be with my wife and not someone who I’m not tied to. My last reason for wanting to get married is that I truly believe in the “build each other up” factor that a lot of married couples I know have. Not saying you HAVE to be married for that to happen, I have just seen from close friends of mine that have gotten married; the change in attitude, demeanor and drive for themselves. My cousin who is basically my best friend told me “It was no longer I had to do something for me, I have to do it for US” and that really spoke to me. So those are really the main reasons why I would want to become a married man.

@Kaptin_Krunchtime

Bertram Byam

I think marriage is similar to working out in the gym. I want to be married one day because it is symbolic of being consistent and working towards something. In my opinion, a married person has put blood, sweat, and tears into their relationship to reach this level of commitment. Would I deem being married better than being single? No, but I do believe that each are part of a bigger flow in this process called life.

@poweredbyberto

Joshua Joseph

Life’s like a game of Spades – we all do the best we can with the cards we’re dealt, and none of us can succeed without the right partner. ‘Partnership’ takes on many forms. To me, marriage, the public recognition and declaration of two imperfect yet complete individuals’ love and commitment to one another is the ultimate. I emphasize ‘imperfect yet complete’ because the partnership, in of itself, is comprised of two separate and beautifully imperfect people – each with their own distinct personalities, strengths, weaknesses, traumas and transgressions They are forming a union before the Lord in which they mutually agree to create an environment where the purest form of intimacy can take place; a space where you can truly be all of yourself all of the time. It’s almost poetic how something so open and vulnerable leads to one of the greatest signs of strength; love. The idea of building such a genuine, uninhibited love and sharing it unselfishly with the world around us;it ain’t for everyone, but I don’t imagine it gets much better.“

@jxshwa

Gly Volner

While deep down I’ve always wished to have the romantic marriage that I saw on TV, I was also cynical of it. The truth is that growing up the marriages that I was exposed to weren’t particularly healthy.

However, as I’ve matured and attended other friends’ weddings, what I’ve found so beautiful and moving about the act of marriage is that it’s a commitment. It’s declaring to your partner and to everyone in your community that you’re committed to this person through the good times and the bad… and that you’re requesting everyone to hold you accountable to that commitment too!

But even deeper than that, I’m most excited about the fact that it’s an act of creation. Because with your partner, you’re literally creating a whole new world of possibilities. So I ultimately want to marry my partner to declare to each other and to our community that we’re going to create new possibilities together for the rest of our lives.

@glyvolner

Jonathan Jenkins

My parents, like many others, have had a profound influence on my views on marriage. I’ve seen what two people who have aligned their values and goals on the foundation of love can achieve. Marriage to me is a partnership by which the lives of the individuals improve in all ways. It is powered by consistent commitment so that you can get through the inevitable challenges of life together. This institution can propel you forward and make life a much more enriching experience – I have many more goals to achieve in life and I want to not only share that with a partner but also support them to obtain what they want out of life in the spirit of love.

@jjthesenator3

Bryce Lennon

“Marriage: A faithful union between two individuals, in which they experience a continued process of healing, growth, knowledge, and love together.

“Looking back on my life thus far, I struggled when it came down to defining marriage on my own terms. Growing up, marriage was understood as the symbolic representation for perfection and happiness. Society itself projected this formula through media: perfection + happiness = marriage. If you have the first two components, you are most likely married. More specifically, the idealized marriage on television often included a well rounded, nuclear family (A husband, wife, children, and some random pet) that experienced life lessons together in perfect harmony. Some of our favorite sitcoms like Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Moesha, and even Blackish have all fallen into this trope in some capacity. Throughout the series, the marriage always remains strong (Even if new actors are swapped in and out of roles), and the family maintains their loving bond.

@brycelennon

Kyle Somersall

I think the concept of marriage is complex. Marriage to me means commitment, it means trust, it means supporting each other. It’s two people who are already whole that commit to each other. In addition, it’s a promise to commit to a person and build together. There are also tangible benefits to being married, like better health insurance, and joint financial support. I want to get married because I like the idea of building a family and having kids. I like the idea of giving that stability to them. In addition to giving that stability and support to my partner.

@kylesomersall

Christian Loverro

When I think of marriage, my future wife represents so much of what I want in the world. Love and loyalty shared with someone who is considered your greatest friend. A business partnership with someone you trust, so you can invest and build with them accordingly. The future mother of your children, ensuring that your legacy is kept alive. An official travel partner and couch buddy. A woman who always works as a positive and uplifting addition to our partnership. In addition, the comfort of always having a date for the movies and dinner.

@ bleu_heffn3r

David Marshall

I was raised by a REAL black marriage and as a result I witnessed ALL the things; movie-esque magical and the “not so much”, that a marriage requires. I also witnessed what it gives to those that willingly submit to the work of LOVE. That’s a sentiment I live by in my relationships; the idea that love is not just the sweet gushy shit in movies but also those horrible plot twists that always break relationships in those films—those are ESPECIALLY the things you have to work through. This is only IF you find that your partner is worth the effort. That’s the beauty of dating! That’s where you formulate your value system on what’s important to you which if properly tended to leads to your life partner. Seeing my parents work through those tough spots was the foundation to my perception of the fullness of unconditional love. In my love life I have experienced some of the absolute worst things possible a woman can throw at me, but I think my parents have always been my beacon of light when it came to holding on to the classic black aspirations of wanting a family. I want to do the surprise engagement, I want the wedding AND the after party, I want the house and the adorable kids that spawn from the seeds of love my future wife and I have sown into the soil of our relationship. And I mean, it’s scary as fuck to go ‘all in’ during an age where we seemingly have all these options. It’s risky to be monogamous, but to me that risk is the best part of being in love, and growing with someone; it’s that first jump. So what’s another leap for happiness in this freefall of life?

IG: @dave.creative

10 Black Men Discuss What Marriage Means to Them

10 Black Men Discuss What Marriage Means To Them

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