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I pride myself on being reliable. I keep a very detailed calendar. The minute a plan comes up, I put it in my calendar. I’ll pull my car over to jot something into my G-cal if I’m driving and someone calls me to discuss a plan. I send myself email reminders the day before and then the morning before an event. I set alarms. I often set multiple alarms. And when I say I’ll do something, there’s almost nothing stopping me from doing it besides my death or severe illness. So, when people are flaky I just…think there’s no excuse. I know how to stay on top of my appointments and obligations and I know that these other adults have access to all of the organizational tools I have. If you’re like me, then you know that these things flaky people do drive reliable people crazy.
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Blame the alarm
“My alarm didn’t go off” or “I fell asleep.” I’m sorry but, I don’t buy it. Maybe if this happens one time with a friend who is otherwise very reliable, I’ll buy it. But when someone who I know has a tendency to be flaky simply doesn’t show up for plans and later claims she took a nap and her alarm just didn’t go off, I don’t buy it. We all have smartphones these days. Those alarms go off.
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Saying “I forgot I had this other thing”
What do they mean they forgot? Whether or not someone remembers something on their own shouldn’t even come into play. We live in a day and age when we shouldn’t be relying on just our memories to keep up our obligations. That’s what calendars are for. If someone “forgot” that means they didn’t respect the plan enough to put it in their calendar when we made it.
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Saying nothing until after the event
This is one of the worst ones: when someone simply doesn’t show up, doesn’t answer your calls inquiring where they are, and then texts (always a text, never a call of course—cowards) days later with a long, rambling excuse. There’s never an excuse good enough to not simply send a, “I can’t make it!” text the day of. If you’re alive, you can send that.
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Then blaming a dead phone
The same flaky ones who will not show up and then not explain why for several days will blame a dead phone. Oh really—their phone was dead for two days? They didn’t have access to a charger for two days and just went on about their life incommunicado with the rest of the world for 48 hours? Sure. It doesn’t explain their Instagram posts during that time, but sure.
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Don’t confirm the day of
Some flaky people will be excited and communicative about the plans all the way up until the morning of the plans. Then you’ll text that morning confirming and get…radio silence. Where did they go? Oh. They’ve probably decided they’re going to flake, are going to blame a dead phone, and can better legitimize their excuse by starting the radio silence early.
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Blame a mood swing
I’m sorry but, we all have mood swings. Most of the time we see anybody show up where and when they said they would, they aren’t in the best mood. It isn’t exactly what they feel like doing at that moment. They’re there in spite of being in a mediocre mood, because they respect the time of others.
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Blame exhaustion
Please see above, and apply the same to exhaustion. If we all just bailed on obligations and plans any time we were tired, the world would not go round. Everyone manning the cash register at the stores and driving the city buses is tired. Imagine if they just…didn’t show up to work.
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Call you insensitive for not understanding
Of course, when I try to explain to those who flake on me due to mood swings that part of being an adult is showing up even when you don’t feel like it, they tell me that I’m insensitive. I think they’re being a bad friend for being so self-involved.
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Saying, “I didn’t know it was for sure”
Many flaky individuals will pretend the plans never officially existed. You can say to them, “Want to have lunch Saturday around 2ish?” they’ll say, “Yup!” and when you call Saturday to confirm they’ll say, “Oh. I thought we were just spit-balling. I didn’t know these plans were firm.”
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Ask, “Can I let you know the day of?”
Flaky people often want the option to A) see if anything better comes up or B) be able to do whatever they feel like the day of. So they’ll ask if they can let me know whether or not they can do something the day of the plan, which leaves me hanging in terms of planning my life.
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Or say, “We can pick a time as it gets closer”
This is another way flaky people keep their options open. They say, “We’ll hang out Saturday, but we can pick a time as it gets closer.” So, is this a daytime hang? A night hang? Where are we going? That affects the rest of my day a lot.
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Shoehorning it into another plan
We were supposed to have dinner, just the two of us, and now we are going to their friend’s art gallery opening. So this friend clearly just double booked and is trying to pretend this is a fun and spontaneous idea.
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Only making plans at the last minute
It can be very frustrating when someone I do genuinely enjoy spending time with calls me and asks, “What are you doing right now?” and that’s the only way they ever make plans. I feel as if this person doesn’t really prioritize seeing me—if they did, they’d ask me earlier.
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Bombarding you with excuses
“I’m so sorry there was thing long line at this place and then I was so tired so I took a nap and then I had a headache but didn’t have Tylenol and had to go to the store…”Look. I am not going to tell someone how to manage their life. I will say that we all could have excuses, if we wanted to. Reliable people just…show up anyways.
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Only put aside a little time
Some flaky friends will put aside an amount of time for our plans that is so small, it’s rude. We’ll meet for lunch and they’ll say, “I can only stay for 30 minutes.” Oh. Okay so, they didn’t really make time for this plan, even though I did.
