The Surprising Mental Phases Of Deciding You Aren’t Having Kids

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My partner and I decided that we won’t be having children. We finally decided it—I mean really decided it. We’d danced around the topic for years. Having met when I was in my mid twenties and he was in his late twenties, there was a good chunk of time when we didn’t feel any pressure to make a final call on this matter. I guess that is one of the benefits of meeting your partner young. You don’t make a major decision like procreating because of some loudly ticking biological clock. I had several years with my partner before we really needed to look this issue in the face: will we have kids? When we met, if we touched on the subject (which was almost never), we’d say, “Sure, maybe! I might have kids.” A few years later, the words changed to, “Probably not” and “I don’t see that happening.” And now, well into our thirties, it’s become, “We are not having children.” However, I didn’t realize how many interesting mental phases would be on the other side of that decision. I haven’t changed my mind, but anyone who is grappling with the decision should just be prepared for these phases, so you know they’re normal.

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FREEEEEDOMMMM!!!

Naturally, at first, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt as if the world had just opened up. We can travel any time we want (funds allowing), without finding childcare or child-friendly accommodations. We can move wherever we want. We can work long hours on passion projects. Nobody will dictate our decisions but ourselves.