Ways Women Try To Make Me Feel Bad For Liking My Body

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There is this dynamic arising amongst women that I really don’t like: women who don’t love their bodies criticize women who do. Wow. This one is a doozy. Here I was, thinking we were in an era of awakening of finally learning to love our bodies, but it turns out that, not only do many women still struggle with body-love (that isn’t the surprising part) but those who do have that struggle resent women who don’t. I’ve found myself, too often, feeling bad recently for liking my body. It’s not even like I think I’m God’s gift to mankind. I don’t take a bunch of bikini selfies for Instagram or anything like that. I’m just not plagued with fears and concerns about my body image. I worked really hard to get to this place mentally. I’ve come a long way from the eating disorder I had in my younger years to, today, really not equating my self-worth to my body. It’s a shame, but these are ways women make me feel bad for loving my body.

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I’m scolded for never weighing myself

When I tell women I don’t know exactly how much I weigh, they laugh—in a sort of evil way and say—“Well good for you. Must be nice not caring what the scale says.” They sound sarcastic but…it is nice. Why am I in trouble for having a healthy relationship with the scale?

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And told, “Well, good for you” for ordering a burger

I don’t really think about what I ate at my last meal when ordering the one in front of me. I try to listen to my body and what it needs. So when I’m out with friends, order a burger, one says, “I wish I could have a burger—but I had carbs earlier” and I say, “Oh I guess I did too—I didn’t think about that” I receive death stares.

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I don’t fret over camera angles

People take unflattering photos of me all of the time. Plenty of friends post photos of me in which I appear to have two chins or a spare tire on Instagram. When other friends see that they say, “You don’t care she posted that?” and I say, “Oh, no, it’s okay!” And then I’m the crazy one.

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And guilt tripped over skipping the gym to rest

If I feel that my body needs to rest, I skip a workout. But I’ve been scolded for saying the words, “I think I just need rest today. I’m skipping the gym. My body needs a break.” I’ve had friends say things like, “Well isn’t that nice that your guilt doesn’t eat you alive for skipping the gym.” Hmm. It doesn’t really sound like they think it’s nice.

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I don’t worry if clothes aren’t “for my body type”

I don’t know much about which clothes are for my body type and which aren’t. If it comes in my size and I like it, then isn’t it “for my body type?” But, I was once talking to a friend who said, “I never wear this type of top—it’s not for small-chested women.” Then I said, “Oh well, I have a small chest and I love those tops!” And then she said, “Congratu-f*ckin-lations.”

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I don’t let insecurities dictate my sex positions

“This angle creates two chins. This angle makes things bounce too much. That position causes the stomach to droop.” These are all things I’ve heard women worry about in their sex lives. “That didn’t occur to me,” I said. And I received a sneering, “Then your partner must love you, flaws and all. How nice.”

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I don’t diet before a big event

“You’re going to eat that before your/headshots/high school reunion/date tomorrow?” Um…yes….is that bad? (Hint: apparently it is!)

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Nor would I lose weight for clothing

It honestly makes me sad when women buy clothes in their “hopeful” size—clothing they can only wear if they lose weight. What a shame to put something on the hanger for months, years, or forever. Why not just buy it in your current size so you can wear it now? (So, side note, I said this to a friend who is a size 8 and bought a size 4 wedding dress, and she looked at me like I was a bully.”

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I don’t read those “weight loss secret” magazines

When asked if I read about how this one celebrity lost all of her weight or if I learned about/ have tried this weird diet trick some other celebrity is promoting, I’ve said, “I don’t really care about those things.” I wasn’t trying to throw shade at anyone who does care about them, but my friends certainly thought I was.

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I don’t even know my measurements

I don’t know my exact measurement. I know ballpark things like, I’m a size…small? That’s about all I know other than my shoe and bra size. But I have a couple of friends who know all of their exact measurements and think I’m oddly aloof for not even being curious about mine. I had a friend offer to take my measurements for me! I politely declined and she was shocked.

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I stay quiet during body-bashing conversations

Sometimes my friends get into these moods when they just want to go around the table and bash their own figures, talking about all of the things they dislike about their bodies. I don’t really participate in these conversations, but then my friends think I think I’m “above” the conversation. I don’t think that. But I’m not going to pretend to hate my body, just to fit in.

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I dress for the weather

Look, if it is hot, I am wearing tank tops, tube tops, shorts, mini skirts—you name it. But I do have a lot of friends who won’t wear the clothes in which they’re comfortable during the summer, because of body insecurities. I’m very sad when I see them sweating in long-sleeves in 90 degree weather. But I shouldn’t feel bad for just letting my under arm flab hang out in a tank top, if it keeps me cool.

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I don’t know any slimming tips

Many of my friends swap slimming tips. These range from posture to makeup contouring to certain undergarments. I don’t really know about most of these. I also don’t take the tips when they’re given, which has offended some of my friends.

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I even laugh if I look pudgy in a photo

If I look a little pudgy in a photo, I can laugh. I know I’m not overweight so, I don’t really care how I look in one photo. However, it’s truly shocked and perhaps disgusted some of my friends how I can just laugh it off if I don’t look good in a photo.

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And laugh it off if I truly put on a pound or two

Even when I have accidentally put on a little weight, I’ve laughed it off. I mean—I aimed to do something about it. But I wasn’t going to mope about it and let it ruin my life until I lost the weight. And I wasn’t going to take drastic, unhealthy measures to lose the weight. Again, I did have friends try to tell me unhealthy ways to lose the weight quickly, I didn’t take the advice, and they were offended.