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I have often been told that I’m an old soul. I don’t know if you believe in such things but, the few palm readers I’ve met have hold me I was one of the oldest souls who ever graced their couches. I don’t even say it to brag—I’ve often found being an old soul has caused me problems. It’s made me feel like an outsider. I just don’t get enthusiastic about the same things many of my peers do, which can lead people to believe I’m either aloof or full of myself. I don’t want to spend my weekends doing most of the things that most people my age do, which has made it hard to find my friend group. Being an old soul made dating especially difficult for me when I was single. Sometimes I would try to change who I was and tap into the mentality of my generation but it just didn’t take. Thank goodness I found and now live with another old soul. Here are ways being an old soul makes dating hard.
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People think you seem reserved
Old souls are tired. They’re old for goodness sake. We’re not as peppy and bright-eyed as others. We may be wise, but few people see that: they just see that we aren’t as easily excitable as young souls, which can make it seem like we’re reserved and don’t want to connect to others.
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You’re just not a tell-all
Old souls play things close to the vest. We don’t tell everything to everyone, the way millennials tend to. We don’t broadcast our emotions every hour online. Our emotions are private. They are reserved for those in the inner circle who we have known for years. But, romantic prospects can grow impatient trying to crack this old soul of a nut.
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Making real plans means something to you
Old souls believe in real plans. That means asking, “Can I take you to dinner this Saturday at 8pm? This is the place. I’ll pick you up.” It doesn’t mean saying, “We should hang some time.” What time? When? What are we doing? Demanding such answers can seem high maintenance, but it’s what old souls do.
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Sticking to plans means something to you
Being punctual and reliable is also important to an old soul. I had a guy cancel on me twice at the last minute and I just told him I didn’t want to see him anymore—that I didn’t feel he was prioritizing getting to know me or respecting my time. He thought I was being difficult and immature, which was funny because, to an old soul, cancelling repeatedly seems difficult and immature.
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You don’t play games
Old souls say what they mean and mean what they say. They will say to you, “Look, I like you. I’m not seeing anyone else. And, I hope you like me enough to stop seeing other people. If you don’t feel the same way, that’s okay and we can go our separate ways.” Nobody of this generation is that direct anymore. In fact, most men my age would call that an ultimatum, while I just call that direct communication.
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So you can come off as intense
We old souls can seem intense. Most people my age have so many walls and facades up between who they really are and what they present to the world, and the rest of the world is comfortable with those barriers. Old souls don’t have such barriers, which can be unnerving for young souls.
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You really know what you want
Old souls really, really know what they want. They can spot it right away. They are comfortable with steadily, persistently pursuing a path that looks good to them, without any dilly dallying or distractions—without going MIA for weeks at a time or dating others just because.
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So you also know what you don’t want
Because we know what we want, we also know what we don’t want. We may cut someone loose at what seems very early in the relationship. We may end things with someone over something that seems petty to our friends. But we just know when something won’t work for us. We’re old souls. We’ve been down that road before.
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You appreciate a phone call
We’re not into all of this DMing, Snap Chatting, and texting. We want a phone call. If you keep texting, we are just going to pick up the phone and call you, which can be very alarming for millennials.
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You don’t care about trendy topics
I have no idea which celebrity is pregnant, wore what to which awards, just got a DUI, or is getting a divorce. I get annoyed when I have to learn new technology. Since these topics seem to entertain and thrill my peers, sometimes I just sit silently—that would include on dates.
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You’re happy with alone time
Old souls like a lot of alone time. This can make young souls nervous. While we are all about making and sticking to plans, we will also say this sentence: “I can’t hang out Saturday. I had planned to be alone that day.” That doesn’t compute to millennials. They’ll say, “So…you’re free?” No. I’m not. I told you, I have alone time planned that day.
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You find most hot date spots annoying
Whatever the place is that everyone likes to go on dates, I can promise you old souls can’t stand that place. And that’s a problem because everyone who asks us out wants to take us there. We want a spot with big red booths, maybe a lounge singer, and few people.
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You want some chivalry
We don’t have time for men who no longer exhibit chivalry. It may be mostly a thing of the past but we only want to be with the few men left who have it. If you don’t open the door for us or at least offer to pick up the check, we make a lot of decisions about you there and then.
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You need a connection to open up sexually
Old souls aren’t as much into casual hookups as most millennials. We need there to be a strong connection there to have sex. That connection may happen quickly—we don’t necessarily wait months to sleep with someone—but we do need a mental and emotional connection.
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You don’t f*ck with ghosting or gaslighting
We won’t accept it if a man tries to slyly ghost us. We will call him and say, “Hi. I see you don’t have the balls to properly end this so I’m just properly ending it so there’s no ambiguity left. Goodbye.” Oh and you can’t gaslight us. We are of too sound a mind to let anyone make us think we’re crazy.
