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Believe it or not, there are still men out there—in the era of #MeToo—who blatantly hit on women. I am talking about dropping slimy, assertive, super cheesy lines. Even if the lines aren’t cheesy, they’re still lines. There really isn’t such thing as having a “good line” because the mere concept alone of just blatantly hitting on a woman is very passé. I don’t know why but some men still haven’t learned that most women don’t like to just be hit on. We really don’t go out, just hoping that men will shower us with flirtatious attention. Really, we promise you, men: we have no shortage of that kind of attention. I don’t know of any successful relationship that ever started with a line. I don’t know of any couple whose story began with someone just so obviously hitting on someone. In fact, the discomfort of it is in the name—hitting on. It does feel like an unexpected assault. Men may think it’s flattering but it’s creepy. Here is why being blatantly hit on is uncomfortable and outdated.
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It’s all about looks
If a man walks up to a woman whom he doesn’t know at all and hits on her, he’s laying the fact that he’s solely interested in her for her looks on the table. Look, physical attraction has to exist but when a man hits on a woman, he is basically saying, “Physical attraction is enough for me.”
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And that conversation goes nowhere
How exactly is the conversation supposed to go anywhere, when it started with a comment on the woman’s looks? What are we supposed to say, “Thank you yes I am hot let’s go over my beauty regiment.” Hitting on someone is a straight road to a dead end conversation.
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Responding positively makes us feel egotistical
Since the man has already made it very clear that he’s ready to drown us in flattery, if we respond even the tiniest bit nicely, we feel like we’re being egotistical. We feel like we are agreeing that we’re hot sh*t.
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Be less obvious
Being attracted to someone physically is a building block of a relationship or connection, but it’s only a tiny one. Women prefer when men are completely incognito about their intention, at least for a while. It allows us to engage in the conversation without this heightened sexuality to it.
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It ostracizes our friends
Also, when we are in a group and a man comes and hits on us, it ostracizes our friends. Our friends are not going to join in on a conversation about how hot we are and how we should go home with this man. We don’t like being ostracized from our friends when we came out to spend time with them.
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It puts pressure on us
The moment a man hits on a woman, it’s almost like a ticking time bomb is there. There is this unspoken understanding that he wants an answer in X amount of time as to whether or not this is going somewhere, or else he’ll move on. That’s a lot of pressure.
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The conversation feels inauthentic
We now know that any other conversation we try to make is just something you’re patiently sitting through until you get to sleep with us. We really can’t just have a normal conversation once you’ve hit on us. We know you’re just thinking, “Alright, enough of that—is this going down or not?”
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We need some basis of a friendship
Even if it’s just going to be a one night stand, women typically need there to be some level of rapport, chemistry, witty banter—you get the idea. If a man hits on us, he’s saying he doesn’t need or want that.
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Any kindness can be “Misleading”
Now that the guy has basically made his intentions too loud and clear, we feel like we’re being misleading if we’re just a little bit nice. And the guy will take it that way. If we simply laugh at his joke, he assumes that means we want to sleep with him since he did, after all, make his intentions very clear.
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So we have to be mean to make you go away
This puts us in a position where, the only way the guy goes away is if we’re straight up mean. We have to give him the cold shoulder or the silent treatment. We don’t want to be mean, but it seems to be the only hint the guy will take.
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Then you reject our rejection
Then, of course, the sleaziest men of all criticize our form of rejection. If we say we’re just out to be with friends, they say, “You aren’t dressed like it.” If we say we have a boyfriend they say, “Then why isn’t he with you? He must not love you.”
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And we never asked for any of this
We truly didn’t ask for any of this interaction. But the reality is that, the types of men who still hit on women are dealing with some deep-seated toxic masculinity that has also transformed into some intense insecurity so they only know how to hit on a woman or be mean to a woman.
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There is no decelerating from that
There’s really no decelerating from hitting on someone. Once a guy hits on us, there’s no chance at just having a regular conversation. There’s no chance at just being friends. There’s no going back. And that’s a shame for the guy, too, because if he’d just spoken to us normally he could have had all the time in the world to make us like him. Hitting on us demands an instant decision and to be safe, we’ll probably just say, “No thank you.”
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What if you hit it off with our friend instead?
The other annoying thing about this whole scenario is that, when a man approaches a group of women, there’s really no telling whom he’ll hit it off with the most. But if he hits on one of them, that’s it. He doesn’t get to hit on the others, even if he later realizes his true chemistry is with a different woman.
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It’s just not natural
The whole experience of being hit on just feels so unnatural. It doesn’t make women comfortable. It doesn’t make us feel at ease or like we can be ourselves. It’s never going to bring out a woman’s true personality or let her give a man a chance to show his. The whole action is just so repulsing.
