Signs Your Friends Think It’s Time For A Divorce - Page 3

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Getting a divorce is one of the most difficult decisions someone makes in her life. There is no going back (though some people do try, and it isn’t pretty). There is a massive blow to the ego involved, and a shattering of dreams. When you marry someone, it’s because you believe, 120 percent, that you’ll spend forever with that person. You believe you two can make it through anything, and you believe it so much so that you involve contracts, you drop thousands of dollars on a wedding, and you invite everyone you care about to witness your promise to stay together forever. Getting a divorce means saying, “I was wrong about a very important factor in my life.” That can, of course, be difficult to do. And, if you did choose to marry this person, it’s because, at one point, there was so much good there. It’s hard to believe that two people who once had something great couldn’t get that back. But, sometimes, that’s the case. And, when even your closest friends begin to hint as much, it could really be time. Here are signs your friends think it’s time for a divorce.

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They ask if you could go on like this forever

Your friends have started asking you to really consider whether or not you could live another five, ten, thirty years in this exact same situation. Could you bear to spend your life with things the way they are now, with your spouse? They ask you this because they don’t believe your dynamic with your partner will change.

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They suggest you’ve tried everything

They have listed all of the things you’ve tried to do to make things work. The marriage counseling. The couple’s retreats. The meditation workshops. That odd, short-lived period of trying an open marriage (that probably made things worse). In other words, they’re telling you you’re allowed to let go—you didn’t leave any stone unturned.

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They mention you’re still young

Translation: if your fear of divorce stems from thinking you’ll never marry again, that simply isn’t true. If your friends mention how young you still are, and their many other friends who went on to re-marry around your age (or older), it’s because they think it’s time for you to move on.

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They talk about the rushed wedding

Perhaps they discuss the origin story here. Did you get married rather quickly? Perhaps within just two years of knowing one another? Maybe it was a green card wedding? Or, you had a baby on the way. If they bring up the rushed beginnings of the marriage, it’s probably to state that this never stood on solid ground to begin with.

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They’ve disengaged from your partner

Your friends do not really say much to your spouse when he shows up. They used to ask him all about his life and his updates when he passed through the room. Now, they give him a brief acknowledgment. They’re awkward around him. They probably think, “I won’t be seeing this guy much longer so what’s the point in engaging him?”

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And so have their partners

Double dates have come to a complete halt. Your friends used to make a steady effort to plan regular double dates with you and your spouse, now that seems impossible to make happen. And even their partners—who used to hang out one-on-one with your spouse—have stopped spending much time with your partner. Again, they all feel that this dynamic won’t last long.

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They bring up the toll on your health

Have you become so stressed by the situation that you can’t sleep? Have gained or lost a lot of weight? See your ulcers acting up? Are losing hair? Have a constant stomachache? When your friends mention these things, they’re trying to tell you that this marriage is literally killing you.

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They mention how normal divorce is

They’ve started to list statistics, attempting to normalize divorce for you. They want you to know that many, many people divorce and go onto live happy lives. They want you to know it doesn’t leave some dark mark on your reputation, the way it did fifty years ago for a woman.

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They tell you divorce isn’t giving up

Your friends suspect you hate the idea of “giving up” on your marriage. So they remind you that you did not give up. They remind you that you fought for a long time and they suggest that, maybe now, staying in this marriage would be to give up on yourself.

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“You only get one life” comes up often

They bring up the idea that you only get one chance to live. They want you to consider whether or not you’re making the most of it. They may have a point. If you removed any fears around what other people think, could you say that you are living your life to the fullest by staying in this marriage?

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They say, “We’ll be there for you, either way…”

The heavy implication here being that the way they think this will go is you getting a divorce. Your friends start listing all the ways they’ll help you “either way” but those ways tend to lean towards a divorce, like they’ll help you move and they’ll help you take care of the kids.

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They’re bringing up setups

They’ve even started mentioning other eligible bachelors that you could go out with, should you become single. If they’re doing this, they really think this marriage is coming to an end. If you’re considering their offers then you, too, probably think that it’s over.

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They’ve offered up their guest room

They’ve all said you can stay with them while splitting up the estate. That’s because they have already spoken to their spouses and family about it because they already assumed this divorce was going through.

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They say kids shouldn’t grow up in an unhappy home

If you do have children, they tell you that your children shouldn’t grow up in an unhappy home and that kids can tell when their parents don’t love each other. Maybe you’re only staying together for the children but, as a child of divorce, I, too, can tell you that my life stabilized when my feuding parents finally called it quits.