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A friend of mine recently hit it off with a man who just so happens to live a three-hour plane ride away. That’s okay, sort of, because he has offered to fly her out, put her up in a hotel, and get her a rental car during her stay, all so he can see her. It sounds like a dream, right? But I cautioned her against taking the trip. I can’t help but question the personality and motives of a man ready to drop a couple of grand on someone he *met for 45 minutes*. I, personally, dated a couple of men who were wealthy enough to do things like that and I found one thing common amongst them: they used their money to control the situation. Okay, honestly: they used it to try to control me. I’m not saying that all wealthy men are controlling, but those who are quick to use their money to make things go their way (like this man wanting to fund my friend’s visit) can be. Here are gross ways wealthy men use their money to control the relationship.
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Buying the trip and controlling it
In the case of my friend, I can tell her that I took a trip like that once, and quickly found that the guy was annoyed that I’d looked up sights I wanted to see and things I wanted to do. He clearly felt that he’d paid for the trip so he’d be the one planning our activities. I was essentially just a companion he’d bought.
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Investing in your career but managing it
I’ve seen wealthy men invest in their partner’s careers by, say, paying for their further education or purchasing equipment for them. But then they felt they had a lot of say in which career moves their partners made.
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Buying you clothes to direct your appearance
It’s nice when a partner buys you gorgeous couture—nobody is denying that—but when he does so in order to slowly change the way you dress for good, essentially molding you into his perfect trophy wife, that is not okay. And I have seen that happen—the old, “Oh—you’re wearing that? Why don’t you wear some of those other things I bought you instead?”
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Requiring favors in return
Sadly, and disgustingly, the very wealthy man I briefly dated would say things like, “I just paid for your insert treatment/trip/equipment and you can’t do me this one favor?” Ooooh. So that thing wasn’t a gift—it was a down payment on something he’d ask of me later.
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Buying you something but calling it his
It’s pretty despicable when someone buys you something—from a vehicle to a breast enhancement to a laptop—and calls it his. A gift is a gift.
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Paying more rent while making you the housekeeper
One friend of mine is married to a man who makes substantially more than her—about four times as much—so, naturally, he pays more of the rent for their rather expensive apartment. However, I’ll see that he does nothing to upkeep the home, and seems to expect her to do everything. Paying more rent shouldn’t entitle someone to putting in no effort around the house.
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Trying to buy your time
My wealthy ex was needy of my time. If I had other plans and he wanted to be with me, he’d start dangling things in from of me like, “If you cancel on your friends we can go to that restaurant you wanted to go to.” He tried to purchase my time.
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Buying you out of your career
My father is guilty of this one. He’s fairly well-off (he doesn’t help me financially at all so, feel free to not hate me) and he doesn’t like when his girlfriend works. He has said, “I want my girlfriend home, waiting for me when I get off work.” So he has started to pay her to do odds and end jobs for him, to make her available to him at all times.
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Using money to embarrass threats
Surprise, surprise: my wealthy ex was also very jealous and controlling. There were a few times when we went out with other couples, and he felt threatened by the other man—envious in some way—so he used his money to humiliate the guy by buying his partner’s dinner or drinks.
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Paying for your phone and demanding constant contact
I know several women whose partners bought them their smart phones and pay for their plans. And, in return, they require these women to reply to all of their texts and calls pretty much immediately. If they don’t, they hear something like, “Why did I buy you that phone if you aren’t going to pick it up?”
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Funding the party and taking it over
On more than one occasion have I seen the wealthy partners of my friends plan/pay for the woman’s birthday party, and then totally take it over, choosing every element of it, because they’re paying for it.
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Buying tickets to change everyone’s plans
My dad is guilty of this. When he wants his girlfriend to travel with him, if she had plans with someone else, he’ll just buy that friend a plane ticket too, so everyone is obligated to go along on his trip.
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Replacing support with money
One of the most common ways wealthy partners misuse money is in thinking it can replace actual affection and support. Example; “Oh, you’re sad? I’ll send you to the spa for the day rather than talk to you about it.”
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Being uppity about belongings
“Don’t hold that this way” “Don’t sit on that” “Don’t use that too much.” Sometimes, being in a rich dude’s apartment can feel like being in a museum.
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Reminding you of your financial situation
I knew what the final straw was with the rich jerk I dated: it was when, during a fight, I suggested we may not be compatible, and he said, “Well just see if you can afford all the things I treat you to without me.”
