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You don’t think it would ever happen—it’s like something from a rom com and not from real life—but it can happen. Your parents can disapprove of the man who proposes to you. Perhaps he specifically asks them for your hand in marriage, and they say no, or he takes the more modern approach of asking you without asking them, but they’re still pretty vocal about disapproving. It could be for religious purposes. It could be because they always just had someone else in mind for you. It could be because they’re right that he is wrong for you. It certainly leaves the two of you in an awkward position. So much for openly discussing wedding plans with your parents or having them at your engagement party. They don’t want any of this to even happen! So, when he doesn’t get your parents’ blessing: then what?
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Is it because he didn’t ask?
Perhaps this is all because he did not ask them in the first place. Maybe your parents would have happily given their blessing had he asked for it. They’re traditionalists, and were insulted to discover that he just asked you without talking to them first. Now, they don’t approve of him.
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That can be fixed
Arrange a sit-down. Parents who are very proud about this kind of thing generally won’t just let it go. So open the lines of communication. Have your partner explain that he did not know that that was important to them, and if he had, he would have gladly gone to them first. Have him formally ask them now.
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If it’s for religious reasons
Could this be due to religious reasons? Maybe you and your partner are of two different religions, and your parents really want you to wind up with someone of your own religion. It isn’t personal—they think your partner is a great guy—but tradition is the most important thing to them.
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Then conversion or bust
Conversion is an option. Of course, if it’s you who plans on converting to his religion, this will only cause more strife. But, if you truly feel that his religion is the right one for you, then hopefully your parents can prioritize their personal relationship with you—over their religion—and, eventually, accept that. If they can’t, well, you have to ask yourself if you need their approval. Because it may not be coming.
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If it’s for monetary reasons
Are your parents worried about his financial situation? Perhaps, as of now, his checking account isn’t looking good. Maybe he has a low-paying job, but he actually has plans to start his own business—they just haven’t seen any progress in that department as of now.
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He can show them his plan
Try not to let pride get in the way here. It’s only normal for parents to want to ensure their daughter has a stable future. If your partner simply hasn’t told them much about his financial plans and the real steps he’ll be taking to making more money, maybe now is a good time for him to tell them.
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Does he need to do penance?
Did he mess up in the past? Did he cheat on you? Or get very angry during a fight once that he just disappeared for a few days? Maybe you two got past it, but your parents never did.
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Allow it; for their sake
Again, try to understand that they are just protective of you and want you to marry someone who respects you. Maybe your partner has to sit down with them, and tell them what he learned from his mistake and how he knows it won’t happen again.
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Is it just too soon?
Maybe they’re worried because you two got engaged too quickly. They may actually like this man very much, but just fear that you two don’t know each other well enough yet, and are still in the honeymoon phase.
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Maybe they’re right
Hm. They may be right. If you haven’t been dating even two years, they could have a point—actually. Remember that the honeymoon phase can last nearly three years. Perhaps a long engagement is in order here.
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Is it just a personality thing?
Well, this is awkward: maybe they just don’t like the guy. Maybe they never came around to understanding what you see in him. It’s petty, but sometimes family is petty, and maybe they don’t feel like spending holidays—forever—with someone they don’t really enjoy.
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Tell them to suck it up
They’re just going to have to let that one go. If you know in your heart of hearts that this is the man for you, then you’re going to have to tell your parents that if they want a relationship with you, they’ll have to accept your partner. They’ll probably sing a different tune quickly.
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Do you care?
Do you know yourself, pretty well? Do you know what’s best for you? Do you know this man is right for you? Are you proud to be with him? If all of these things are true, and your parents simply won’t give their blessing, then there’s actually only one thing standing in your way of being happy: the fact that you care about getting their blessing.
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Perhaps, let it go
Part of becoming a happy adult is actually letting go of having our parents’ approval on everything you do. They may know us pretty well, but nobody knows you like you do. Chasing your parents’ approval on everything will leave you unhappy.
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They’ll give their blessing eventually
The reality is that, if you marry this man, your parents will give their blessing, one day, in their own way. They want to know their grandchildren. They want to spend time with you. They will get tired of holding a grudge—most people do.
