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Over the years, I’ve had a couple of friends who were just so sensitive that I had to keep my distance. I couldn’t possibly have them be a part of my inner circle because simply keeping them from getting upset was a full-time job. I felt as if I was always walking on eggshells, and at any given moment, could get in trouble for something I couldn’t have possibly seen coming or prevented. They had big hearts, and were always there for me when I needed them, but the level of attention and devotion they required in return for their friendship was just too much to ask of me. As someone who lets most things roll of her shoulder, who gives people the benefit of the doubt, and who rarely reads into things, I just can’t have overly-sensitive friends. Now, if you feel like the opposite of what I just described, you may be the friend who is too sensitive.
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When you get bad news late
You find out something difficult happened to a friend—she had emergency surgery or lost a job—but you find out a while after it happened. It turns out some of the other friends knew about it right away, but not you. You immediately get upset that you received the news late.
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Shouldn’t the focus be on your friend?
Shouldn’t your focus be on making sure your friend is okay? Shouldn’t you be asking how you can help? Or if she’s alright? She already went through something tough: she doesn’t now also need to get in trouble for when she shared that news with you.
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When you aren’t invited
It turns out some of your common friends had brunch or went to the movies without inviting you. You assume this is something they did intentionally to hurt you, and is some comment on your standing in the friend group. You call them to get upset, right away.
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You’re still invited often, right?
Look, are you generally invited along? Were you invited along perhaps even recently to something? Do they typically include you? So, the friendship is actually in good standing. Maybe they didn’t invite you because you once expressed you didn’t like that brunch spot or whatever they were doing. They shouldn’t have their heads bitten off over one incident.
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When friends miss your event
One of your friends didn’t make it to your art exhibit/performance/lecture/big event. You told them far in advance and reserved tickets for them, and some didn’t show. So you decide they don’t support you or care about you.
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Do you make it to all of theirs?
Think for a second: have you attended every single event they invited you to? Probably not. There may have been times you wanted to but were literally so burnt out from a busy week you just couldn’t do it. If they forgave you, then you should forgive them.
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When your help/opinion isn’t asked for
It turns out one friend asked some of the others to help her decorate, or help her pick out a wedding dress, or help her write a business plan. You were not consulted. You assume this was a purposeful slight or comment on our skillset.
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Maybe you weren’t the expert this time
Look, maybe you just weren’t the expert this time. Maybe that friend invited the specific friend who used to be a seamstress to help her pick out a wedding dress. Maybe she asked the friend who has her own small business to help her write a business plan.
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If a friends trip happens without you
You become aware of a small friends’ trip that occurred, and nobody invited you. Your blood boils and you really feel like this is their way of saying you’re out of the friends group.
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Maybe they thought you’d say no
Have you recently turned down several invitations to friends’ trips because you couldn’t afford them? Or because you were too busy? If so, then your friends may have assumed that inviting you again would have stressed you out more than it would have made you happy.
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When you are overlooked for an opportunity
It turns out a friend needed to hire someone to do a job you can do, but she hired a different friend. Why wasn’t I asked is the first thing you think. You feel like your friend was obligated to give you the opportunity.
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You can’t mix business and friendship
You simply cannot take business decisions personally in a friendship. It’s one of the rules of working with a friend, if you do it. But it’s also your friend’s prerogative to always just keep things friendly, rather than professional.
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When a friend chooses her husband over you
Sometimes, your friends elect to have a date night with their partners instead of come to your dinner party or event. You feel like they’re choosing the marriage over you, permanently.
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Those relationships are important
You should be supportive of your friends’ marriages. You should also know that sometimes it’s very hard for a couple to find the time for a date night. Maybe your dinner party fell on the one night they had open for months to be alone. So let them have it. Be happy for them.
