Why Cheaters Don’t Just Leave The Relationship - Page 3

Source: Dean Mitchell / Getty

When we found out that my dad was cheating on my mom, there was this odd back and forth that happened for nearly a year that went like this: my mom and dad would try to work it out in therapy and he’d promise not to talk to the mistress anymore, then he’d just run off with the mistress out of nowhere, then he’d come back, begging my mom to give him another shot, and promising to cut the mistress out of his life. This happened countless times. Eventually, my parents got a divorce and my dad is now with his mistress. Yes, I still call her a mistress because once a mistress always a mistress if you ask me. But I’ve asked him, “What was that crazy time about? When you were found out, why didn’t you just have a clean break with mom and go be—legitimately—with the other woman?” To this he answered, “Because the other woman hadn’t yet promised she’d stay with me if I left your mom and I didn’t want to be alone.” That’s just some of the twisted logic that explains why cheaters don’t just leave the relationship.

Source: shapecharge / Getty

Splitting up a life is terrifying

If it’s a very established relationship—married, living together, been together for a decade—then leaving the relationship means splitting up two joint lives. It means truly starting over, and starting a new life. Old routines, common acquaintances, favorite hangout spots—gone.

Source: Smith Collection/Gado / Getty

Moving is a nightmare

Moving is a nightmare in and of itself. Walking out of the relationship means breaking leases, crashing on couches, looking at Craigslist to find odd roommates, or moving immediately in with the new woman…which could feel like moving too fast. Some men dread the process of just working out their habitation situation.

Source: FG Trade / Getty

Fear of disappointing her family

There’s a relationship with the partner’s family there. The guy knows that the family has this image of him—an image of a loyal, good man who may be their son one day. This guy doesn’t want to shatter that image. His ego really wants his partner’s family to still see him a prize son-in-law or potential son-in-law.

Source: miodrag ignjatovic / Getty

Fear of disappointing her friends

He also knows the friends will all hate him. That’s it—all the good will he’s built up with them over the years will be gone. They will see him as evil, and that will be that. That’s a whole group of people he’ll have to avoid around town.

Source: Mango Productions / Getty

Fear she’ll become unhinged

There’s also a common fear that the woman who is left will become unhinged, slash tires, burn belongings, ruin the man’s reputation, stand outside his apartment screaming, and then some.

Source: Adene Sanchez / Getty

Comfort in routine

People are creatures of habit. This man has a routine with his partner. They have their Friday night date spot. They have their errands they run on Sundays. They have their show they binge watch on Wednesdays. He likes that—regardless of whom he does that with.

Source: Dean Mitchell / Getty

The Madonna-whore complex

Ah, the good (or rather terrible) old-fashioned Madonna-whore complex. Some men cannot believe that a woman can be loyal, sweet, and good and sexual, sensual, and great in bed. Some men like having their legitimate partner represent the Madonna—the saint in their life—and their mistress present the, well, you know. They could never see their mistress as anything else.

Source: 10’000 Hours / Getty

They like the escapism

Some men also like the escapism factor of having an affair. If they left their partner and started a legitimate relationship with their mistress, then they’d have nowhere to escape to. Their relationship with their mistress would just become real life, and they were hoping to run away from that.

Source: Bernd Vogel / Getty

The thrill is in the taboo

Unfortunately, it is the very act of cheating that some men like. They get off on doing something they aren’t supposed to do. The possibility of being caught excites them. If they truly started a relationship with the mistress, the idea of being “caught” would go away and they’d just get over it.

Source: LaylaBird / Getty

Fear of the unknown with the other woman

An affair is not a real relationship. It isn’t subject to the same challenges and stresses of legitimate relationships. Affairs happen in hotel rooms, on vacations, in the late hours of the night, and under the cover of darkness. Friends and family are not involved. The mundane every day tasks of doing laundry and prepping meals don’t come into play. Some men just don’t know what it would be like to live that life with the mistress.

Source: vitapix / Getty

Guilt over blowing up an illusion

A lot of men just feel very guilty about blowing up their partner’s illusion of a good relationship. She believes she has a good partner and that her life is honest and true. Some men feel so bad ruining that for her. The reality is that, the worse crime is continuing to cheat on her and leaving her in the dark. They should leave, let the woman see the light and go free to find a real honest partner.

Source: PeopleImages / Getty

Fear society won’t accept the new relationship

Many men just know that society would never full accept their relationship with the mistress if it became official. His friends and family would always look down on her as a cheater and wouldn’t trust her. It’s just one of the consequences of cheating many people don’t think about until it’s too late.

Source: gradyreese / Getty

They’re having their cake and eating it too

Honestly, cheaters are selfish human beings. I mean—duh. They like getting to eat their cake and have it, too. They don’t want to just do one or the other. They only get to do both so long as they are actively cheating.

Source: Pollyana Ventura / Getty

Men avoid difficult conversations

Men can also be cowards when it comes to difficult conversations. They’d rather have the stressful experience of running around having an affair while living with someone they don’t love than say to someone, “I’m leaving you.”