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I know it’s an annoying, frustrating, and a slightly offensive cliché—one depicted too often in sitcoms and rom coms—but it does exist: the “boys” believing one of their crew married someone militant. I’m talking about the man who gets teased by his guy friends for having a spouse who clearly runs the show and runs a very tight ship at that. They call him whipped. They call him a little b*tch. They think he’s on a tight leash. While I do hate the idea of adjusting my behavior in any way so that my partner’s friends think I’m “Chill,” it is true that I don’t want them thinking that I boss my partner around. And, for the record, they don’t appear to think that. In fact, I know they don’t think that of me because they think that of one of the other significant others, and they’re open with me about it. Sometimes, I pity her—she doesn’t know what they say behind her back. But, I do also know that she kind of—for better or for worse—does seem to control her partner. If you suspect it may be true, here are signs your partner’s friends say you keep him on a tight leash.
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You hear them groaning when you call
When you’ve called him while he was with his boys and he picked up, you heard weird noises. Groans, guffaws of disappointment, or perhaps even the sound of someone imitating a whip…And then someone shushing everyone.
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He steps outside to talk to you
He generally steps away from the boys to talk to you. That could be because he doesn’t want them to hear how much his demeanor changes when he’s on the phone with you. If they were to hear it, the teasing would intensify.
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They cut themselves off
You often notice these guys cutting themselves off mid-sentence when talking to you, or telling a story around you. That’s likely because they’ve been given explicit instructions not to mention this or that escapade, they forgot those instructions, and then they remembered.
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You’ve heard nicknames
Their nicknames for you have slipped up. There could be all kinds of nicknames but they may involve the word captain, boss, chief, sergeant, queen, or commander.
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They treat you like a school principal
They speak to you almost like they’ve been called into the school principal’s office. They never say bad words around you. They use perfect grammar. They say, “Yes m’am.”
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They promise he’ll “Be a good boy”
When they take your guy out for a boys’ night or on a boys’ trip, they make lots of promises about making sure he’s a “good boy” or “well-behaved.” They say this to hopefully curtail all of your phone calls checking in to see if he’s being a “good boy.”
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Boys’ night is never in your home
Boys’ night has never been at your place. It’s always at one of the other guy’s places. It’s odd because you have a great place for a boys’ night. Maybe you have an awesome entertainment setup or even a swimming pool.
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Though you’ve offered to host boys’ night
You’ve actually gone out of your way to offer up your home for boys’ night. You’ve insisted that it would make you happy to have them all there. Then you watched them all fumble for excuses as to why it’s just not the best idea.
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But when you leave town…
Of course, when you go out of town, you learn that the boys came over. That’s suspicious—they only want to party at your house when you aren’t there. The moment you’re back, your place is apparently not suitable for boys’ night.
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Friendship between the spouses is missing
You aren’t really friends with their significant others. You’ll say something to the boys like, “I’d love to see your wife—have her call me!” and they’ll make excuses about her being very busy. They probably don’t want to encourage some couples’ friendship there. They want to keep you out of the friendship dynamic entirely.
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Or just you two are left out of couple’s trips
You often learn of dates or even trips the whole crew went on—spouses, girlfriends, and all—that you and your man weren’t invited on. They’ll invite him on boys’ trips, but not the two of you on couples’ trips.
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They go silent when you walk in
When you walk in the room, everyone goes silent. There may even be some awkward and fake cough to signal that you’re arriving and they need to change the subject. In general, they don’t think you’d approve of their conversations.
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They kiss up to you
You feel that they kiss up to you. They go out of their way to compliment you and your home. They bend over backwards to help you with stuff. They’re being too nice.
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They appear to be perfectly behaved
If you didn’t know better, you’d think these guys were total saints. They’re on their best behavior when you’re in the room—never crude or offensive. But you know that’s not how they are. When people are comfortable with you, they’re comfortable being imperfect in front of you. And these guys don’t seem to be comfortable with that.
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He used to be wild
You know that your partner used to be pretty wild. You know him and his boys used to tear it up. So the fact that they’d suddenly be all tight-laced and conservative doesn’t make sense. That’s because it’s all a ruse: they just don’t think you’re “chill” enough to handle the truth.
