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Some people just never learn from their mistakes because learning from mistakes is rather painful. It’s a good pain—those are actually growing pains—but some people would just rather avoid pain altogether. So, when things don’t go the way they want—like getting dumped, losing a job, or losing a friend—rather than ask themselves, “What did I do wrong here? How could I be at fault? How might I do things differently next time?” they just try to forget the experience, and move on. They cling onto the next distracting, exciting thing so they can avoid the pain of their recent disappointment. But, if we don’t learn from our mistakes, the past is bound to repeat itself. Here are signs you don’t learn from your mistakes.
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You break a lot of leases
You’ve broken a lot of leases in your life. It’s normal to break one or two due to unforeseen circumstances but, you seem to be negotiating with landlords and unceremoniously moving out of places at least once a year. This happens because you move in with friends, or boyfriends, too quickly, before really assessing the strength of the relationship.
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Instead of waiting to move in
You don’t realize that simply waiting and seeing how previous relationships unfolded before moving in together would have saved you the headache (and heartache) of having to suddenly find a new home. You just blame your exes or your ex-friends for the disaster, rather than thinking maybe you could prevent this from happening again.
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You’ve been engaged several times
You’ve broken off more than two engagements. And that’s a generous amount already because, truly, if you’ve broken off more than one, something’s up. If you have been so wrong about something so important that many times, there must be some lack of self-reflection going on.
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That should be a one (or two) time thing
Sometimes, when people are young, they get engaged to the wrong person. But breaking off one engagement is traumatizing and life altering. It should send one into some serious self-reflection (and possibly therapy) to learn about themselves, so they can ensure it doesn’t happen again.
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People give up on helping you
Your friends and family have given up on helping you. You’ll go on a rant about whichever relationship or job is falling apart this month, and they’ll check out. They’ll nod. They’ll just agree with whatever you say. They’ve stopped participating in the conversation.
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Even if you implore them to help
Even if you directly say, “What should I do?” nobody will tell you. They’re so tired of you never actually changing. They’re tired of wasting their wisdom. They know it will go in one ear and out the other.
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Advice and feedback insults you
Meanwhile, when you receive unsolicited but perhaps valid feedback from somebody who loves you, you just get angry. You tell them they’re mean or insensitive for saying that.
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You should be grateful for honest feedback
You never stop and think, “Maybe this person who knows me and loves me actually has a good point and has my best interest at heart.” Nope—you only see feedback as mean.
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You focus on the flaws of others
When things don’t go your way—let’s say you lose a job—you focus on the flaws of the other person. You tell yourself that your boss is stupid, or miserable, or selfish, or messed up.
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Rather than self-reflecting
You never ask what role you may have played in the mishap. You don’t ask yourself, when losing a job, how you may have been a less-than-desirable employee.
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You have a negative view of people
You have an overall negative view of people. If you see someone do something wrong—like make a small mistake or do something borderline rude—your immediate response is to say, “People suck” or “People are the worst.” It’s a reflex—you can’t help but make these blanket statements about humanity.
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Rather than being empathetic
Since you can’t possibly self-reflect and self-analyze, you also don’t do that of others. If someone does something wrong, you don’t think, “Maybe they’re having a hard day” or “Maybe they just didn’t understand the expectation.” It’s easier for you to decide that people are bad. It helps you take the blame off yourself when you don’t get what you want from people.
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Relationships always end badly
Your relationships end with yelling, screaming, vandalized property, lawsuits, and sometimes physical violence. You are not on good terms with any exes, old roommates, or ex bosses. You participate in juvenile breakup behavior.
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You think that’s how all relationships end
You believe that all relationships, for everyone around the world, end with yelling matches or lawsuits. Here’s an alarming update: they don’t. Many adults are able to peacefully go separate ways, without needing to demonize the other.
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You’re always in a big transition
You’re always going through a big transition. You’re always either in a new relationship, developing a new best friendship, starting a new job, or on the path of some new business idea.
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Rather than working on an old thing
New things are great, but there’s something wrong if there’s nothing…old…in your life. You don’t have friends you’ve known more than three years. You’ve never dated someone more than three months. You’ve never kept a job more than three months. That shows an inability to grow and learn from mistakes and failure.
