Marie Kondo Friends: Signs Your Friend No Longer Sparks Joy

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Marie Kondo is pretty much reigning queen right now when it comes to re-organizing your home. She has a lot of great tips, down to how to fold bras and where to store Tupperware, but the one thing that everyone seems to be taking away is the concept of sparking joy. For those who aren’t familiar with this idea, it’s quite simple: you simply hold an object, and if it doesn’t spark joy, you donate it or get rid of it. More importantly, that feeling of joy sparked should be quite clear. Your whole body should sort of vibrate and light up. It’s instinctual, and not something you should have to justify or talk yourself into. Knowing that, we could probably identify people who do—or don’t—spark joy, right? And we should only have people in our lives who do that, don’t you think? Here are signs a friend no longer sparks joy.

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You’ll cancel for dumb reasons

You’ll cancel on this friend for the silliest of reasons. If you’re a tiny bit tired, if your day is busy, or you have a small headache, you’ll cancel on this friend. Meanwhile, you have friends you’d move mountains to see—no matter how tired or busy you are.

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You forget she exists

You accidentally leave her off of guest lists. You’ll plan your birthday party, for example, and only realize the day of your party, “Oops! I forgot to invite that friend…”

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You forget the plans you have

You wouldn’t remember you had plans if your phone calendar didn’t beep to alert you. But other than that, you make the plans, and put them out of your mind. In other words, you don’t look forward to them.

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You don’t share personal things

You don’t really open up to this person about things like your relationship, your family, or your dreams. You don’t really like their energy or input, and don’t want it coming close to the things that matter most to you. You think if anything she’d hold you back.

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You control the conversation

You find yourself planning the conversation with this person ahead of time. If you don’t consciously manipulate it, you know this friend will talk about herself the whole time or bring up a subject that depresses you.

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You split the bill to the dime

You refuse to pay for so much as this friend’s iced tea. When it’s time to split the bill, you make sure to only pay for what is yours. But have you noticed that when you hang with someone you love, you really don’t mind accidentally paying for their coffee?

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You keep them from other friends

You don’t introduce them to your other friends. You kind of know those friends would question your judgment in people if they met this friend.

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You hide them from your partner

You wouldn’t bother your partner with hanging out with this friend. You know you can only monopolize so much of your partner’s time with your friends, and you won’t blow any of that time on this friend.

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All plans happen out of the house

You never invite this friend over. You want to meet at restaurants or the movie theaters—places where it’s only polite to stick around for so long.

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You ignore their calls on a bad day

If this person calls you on a bad day, you ignore the call. You instinctively know they’d take your day from bad to worse. This isn’t someone who perks you up.

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Their texts stress you out

Seeing this friend’s name on your phone stresses you out. You worry she may be asking to hang out. That’s not good.

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You don’t want to travel with them

You’d never want to travel with this friend. You couldn’t possibly risk your precious vacation time on this person. She just wouldn’t make it the wonderful time you need it to be.

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You won’t make expensive plans together

You also won’t make expensive plans with this individual. You aren’t spending $100 on concert tickets to go to a concert with her. You only want to drop a lot of money to be with people who truly spark joy.

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You’re watching the clock

You watch the clock when you’re together, waiting for the polite time to end the hangout. Time certainly does not fly.