Symptoms Of Emotional Distance In A Relationship
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There are few sadder feelings in the world than feeling emotionally distant from your partner. That’s the person to whom you’re supposed to feel the most emotional closeness. He should be your confidante. When you feel like you can’t be totally transparent with the rest of the world, your relationship should be the one place you get to take down the façade, put down your guards, and be totally yourself. So when you feel you need to put on airs around your partner, just like you do around your boss or others outside your inner circle, it’s a devastating feeling. It can happen to a lot of couples, though, for various reasons. If one person in a relationship is going through a particularly trying time after losing a relative or a job, for example, the other can wind up walking on eggshells. That only causes more damage than good. Or, if you’re just in the wrong relationship then, over time, the distance is bound to grow. Here are symptoms of emotional distance in a relationship.
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You’re keeping concerns to yourself
You aren’t bringing up concerns you have about the relationship. You aren’t even mentioning this emotional distance that you feel. You’re just sitting with those concerns on your own, thinking that maybe through calculated language and behavior, you can fix things—all by yourself.
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You should talk to him
You should be able to talk to your partner—the person you’re in a relationship with—about the problems in the relationship. You can’t be expected to fix everything on your own. But if you worry that, by bringing issues up, he’ll just get defensive, or accuse you of being nitpicky, then you’ll wind up keeping everything to yourself.
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You’re heavily editing
You find yourself practicing the things you want to say to your partner. You practice to yourself in the mirror. You run it by friends. You go through several drafts of a speech before talking to your partner about anything mildly important.
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You shouldn’t fear judgment
You shouldn’t have to worry that your partner will misinterpret your intentions. But, if the emotional distance has become that bad, then it is actually quite possible to misunderstand each other. You start feeling like you have to behave like a diplomat, just to get through a conversation with your partner.
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You’re talking more to friends than him
You find yourself calling friends a lot to consult them about what you should do about your relationship problems. In fact, a lot of your time with friends consists of you talking about your relationship problems.
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You shouldn’t need much council
It’s normal to catch up with your friends about your romantic lives, but ladies’ night shouldn’t feel more like therapy night for you. If you need that much outside council, just to know how to interact with your partner, you’ve really grown apart. Over-analyzing your relationship with friends isn’t a great sign.
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You’re keeping personal issues private
You aren’t talking to your partner about issues that just pertain to you, and not the relationship. These can be issues like self-doubt surrounding your career or concerns about your health.
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He should be your support system
Your partner should be your support system. If you’re close, then you should feel like he’d want to know about these problems and help you if he can. So if you’ve stopped turning to him as your support system, then things have really gone off the rails.
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You feel anxious if you just stay in
The idea of just staying in for date night makes you very anxious. So it will just be you and him. No concert. No movie. No double date with other people. You get nervous about that concept.
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You shouldn’t need distractions
You and your partner shouldn’t need distractions to enjoy yourselves. When you’re emotionally distant, however, being home together can be nerve-wracking because it only highlights that distance. You don’t have to focus on it when you go to the movies or meet up with friends.
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You feel lonely around him
When you are sitting in a room with your partner, you feel lonely. You feel almost like there is a large, gaping hole in the room.
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You should feel complete
You should feel the least alone you’ve ever felt when you’re with your partner. That’s when you should feel complete. That’s when you should feel drawn in by the other person’s energy.
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Silence is awkward
Silence is noticeably awkward. You find yourself scanning your brain, trying to come up with something to say, almost as if this night—with your long-term boyfriend—is a first date.
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Comfortable silence is key
When you’re really close to someone, you don’t even notice silence. Silence feels full and meaningful. You feel as if you’re communicating, when you’re just snuggling and saying nothing.
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You read into everything
You read into every little thing your partner does. If he so much as decides to take his lunch break at work rather than meeting you at home like he normally does—saying it’s just a crazy day and he doesn’t have time—you feel it’s a sign the relationship is over.
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You should know his intentions
When you feel distant already, then any tiny mishap feels 100 times worse. You’re so out of touch with your partner’s true intentions that all you can do is analyze and pick apart—you can’t just feel his intentions.
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