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There’s an art to talking about your work. Your work is (hopefully) your passion. It’s a part of your goals and aspirations. So, it’s only natural that you want to talk about it. When you get together with friends, or wind down your day with your partner, “How is work going?” is a normal question. In fact, it can feel rude if the ones we love don’t ask about our work. But there’s also a built-in understanding—or there should be—that everyone can only handle talking about someone else’s work for so long. It is a very me-centric (or in this case you-centric) topic. It’s not really something others can chime in on that much. Only you fully know the jargon and technical details of your work. Friends and partners ask about it because they love you and support you, but don’t go fooling yourself on thinking anybody wants to hear your dissertation on your industry at happy hour. On that note, here are signs you talk about work too much.
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He wants a guest list of friends & family
Any time you host an event with your partner—like a dinner party or New Year’s Eve party—your partner asks that the guest list is just friends and family. In other words, he doesn’t want your coworkers there because then work talk will monopolize his special night.
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He rarely does
He rarely talks about his work. This may be a tactic to bring the overall amount of work talk in the home down. He wants you to feel, by comparison to how little he talks about work, how much you talk about work.
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His replies are getting shorter
His replies to your stories about work are getting shorter. He’s not really engaging in a deep dialogue about it. He’s done pitching you ideas or helping you brainstorm. You do all the talking and he just says, “Sounds good, honey.”
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His body language tells you
The moment you bring up work, his body deflates. He was engaged and excitable before. Now he’s looking at his lap, fidgeting with things on the table, or even getting up to clean dishes because you’re talking about work. His body can’t lie—it doesn’t want to be in this conversation.
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He’s happiest when you don’t
If you think about it, he’s the happiest when you don’t talk about your work. The times his eye light up and his whole body buzzes with energy are…never when you talk about work.
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He makes a “no work talk” rules
He sometimes instates a “no work talk” rule when you’re going to a friend’s house for dinner or having people over. Or for date night. If he has to make that rule, it’s because you often break it.
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He doesn’t want your laptop on vacation
He gets frustrated when he sees you pack your laptop for vacation. He was really hoping you’d leave that at home. At the airport or on the plane he says things like, “That laptop is going away when we touch down, right?”
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His friends are under special instruction
You’ve sniffed out the fact that his friends have been instructed not to bring up your work. They drunkenly bring it up, stop themselves, and then admit, “Oh I forgot—your boyfriend said no work—never mind!”
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He finishes your story for you
He often finishes your stories about work for you. You’re in the middle of a story that you think has plenty of great twists and turns. He cuts you off, and just jumps to the end.
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He’s suggesting books and hobbies
He’s started rather enthusiastically suggesting hobbies you take up. Salsa dancing, creative writing, volunteering, juggling…He just wants you to do something besides work so you’ll talk about something besides work.
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He won’t attend your work parties
He is very hesitant to attend your work parties. That’s probably because you already make life at home feel like a work event, so he really doesn’t want to experience the real thing.
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Or work-related lectures/conventions
He has absolutely no interest in attending lectures and conventions related to your work. That’s because you’ve used up all your good will when it comes to spending any of his free time on your work.
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He brings up random topics
He’s been bringing up very random conversations, the second you walk in the door. Like stories about small families making a fortune selling very special goat cheese from a small mountain. Or something like that. He’s hoping to immediately distract you from work when you walk in the door.
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His eyes glaze over sometimes
You notice his eyes glaze over when you talk about work. It looks like he isn’t really focusing on anything. He’s tuning out, until you’re done talking.
