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It’s sad but I see it often; women holding out for men in relationships. There seems to be a little (and really, just a little) more respect for the sanctity of marriage. There seems to be fewer women who will dare get involved with a married man than women who might consider dabbling in something with just a taken man. And, furthermore, people tend to recognize the very small probability that a husband will leave his wife compared to the probability of a boyfriend leaving a girlfriend. There are no assets to divide up between a boyfriend and girlfriend. There are no documents to sign. No lawyers are required. For all these reasons, I see too many women holding onto hope that the man they’re sleeping with—who has a girlfriend—will leave that woman for them. But, it’s still unlikely. Here is why he probably won’t leave his girlfriend for you.
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You don’t seem to require it
You are, right now, engaging in sexual relations with him, while he’s in a relationship. Through those actions, you’ve already shown that being single isn’t a prerequisite for you to be with this man.
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He’s a man getting more sex
He’s a man who is currently maximizing his sexual potential. He is sleeping with two women. One of them even knows about the other. He has two reliable sources of sex. Most men will hold onto that as long as possible.
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And sex without strings attached
Furthermore, with you, he gets sex, no strings attached. You may say that isn’t true, because you’re pressuring him to leave his girlfriend. But, as of now, you don’t get the dates. You don’t get the gifts. You don’t get to take him home to meet your family or friends. He isn’t expected at your office party. He just gets to be there for the sex—that’s it. He probably appreciates that.
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You’re mistress material now
You’ve made yourself into mistress material. That’s how he sees you now—whether he realizes it quite yet or not. You’ve taken yourself out of the girlfriend box and put yourself into “the other woman” box. It’s hard for him to put you back in the girlfriend box.
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And he couldn’t trust you
Since the way you got together was through infidelity, he can’t trust you, now. Yeah—it’s unfair and highly hypocritical, but it’s just true. He knows you don’t respect the sanctity of monogamy because you partook in breaking it apart.
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He would have already, regardless of you
The reality is that if this man were determined to leave his girlfriend, he would have done that regardless of you. If he were miserable enough to leave, he would have just left—side piece or no side piece waiting for him.
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The affair could re-affirm his love
In many cases, cheating on a woman actual helps a man re-discover his love for her. It’s gross and messed up but, it happens a lot: the threat of losing his girlfriend makes a man realize how much he wants to keep her.
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If she knows and forgave him…
Then there is this element: what if she knows, and she decided she’s willing to work it out with him? Woah. There’s a curveball. He may just cut his losses and stay. He got to have his fun and he won’t get punished.
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Men struggle with tough conversations
Men can be, let’s face it, little b*tches when it comes to tough conversations—like, “We need to break up” conversations. He may stay, simply for fear of having that conversation.
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You may be his escape from responsibility
You might be his escape from reality and he likes it that way. When you two are together, he’s completely separated from real life and responsibilities. He may prefer keeping you that way.
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If you got together, there would be guilt
If you did somehow get together officially, the relationship would feel tainted. Friends and family would judge it. It would be tough to sustain. You’d both feel like it got off on a bad start.
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You aren’t going anywhere
You clearly aren’t going anywhere. You claim you won’t sleep with him again until he leaves her but then…you do. And even if you don’t, you are quite obviously not dating anyone else. He feels no urgency to leave her.
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Staying together is easier
Sometimes, men just go with the easier route rather than the right one. Maybe they live together. Their families already know each other. It’s just easier to stay than to go. It may not be happier, but it’s easier.
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You were just a symptom
His fling with you may have just been a symptom of issues in the relationship. It may not have been evidence the relationship had to end, but rather the pushing point that showed the couple they needed couples counseling.
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She might go a little crazy
He might straight up fear that she’ll go nuts if he breaks up with her. She may be the light-your-car-on-fire and publish-incriminating-facts-about-you type.
