Why Men Want Financial Stability Before Marriage
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React to this how you will but, I see a lot of couples getting married in which the man is completely stable and established in his career, and the woman is still figuring it out. That’s not a comment on how long it takes men versus women to get established: that’s a comment on when men versus women are comfortable getting married. Men struggle with…multitasking. Women are phenomenal at it. We can plan a wedding and figure out our careers at the same time. We also know that our relationships—and our marriages—should be able to survive all sorts of shifts and changes. To need the other areas of our lives to be totally stable, all so we can enjoy celebrating out union and getting married, is silly. We can enjoy getting married, and taking our romantic relationship to that next level even if other parts of our lives are uncertain. Not men—they want to do one thing at a time. Namely, they want to plant their roots, financially, and then get married. Here’s why men want to be financially stable before marriage. (It’s sweet, actually).
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Pride over paying for the wedding
Even if your parents say they’ll pay for the wedding, or his parents say they’ll pay for the wedding, it’s just hard for a man to take a ton of money from another adult. Some men don’t want to get married until they can afford to finance the wedding themselves.
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The ring
Oh, and don’t forget the ring. Many men want to be in a position to A) afford an amazing ring and B) still have money to pay for a wedding. That takes a lot of saving.
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They want to live in a house
Some men don’t feel right about calling a woman their wife, while living in a little apartment. They want to give their bride a house. They feel like marriage is a grownup thing that should be done in a grownup home.
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Specifically, to own their house
To be more specific, some men want to own their property before getting married. Renting a house isn’t enough—they wan to be property owners.
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They want to be able to spoil kids
It’s important to a lot of men to have the funds to properly spoil their kids, long before even getting their partners pregnant or getting married. When they get married, they want to be financially ready for all the changes that come next.
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Even if they won’t spoil them
And, no, not all men plan on spoiling their kids. But they want to know that they could if they chose to.
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They see your parents’ concerns
Whether you notice it or not, your parents are putting pressure on your partner to get his finances in order before popping the questions. They make subtle comments you may not pick up on.
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They want enough to support you
Your partner wants to have enough money to support you, should you choose not to work. I understand you don’t expect him to support you, but it’s a man thing—he still wants to be able to.
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They want to cover emergencies
It’s also important to men to be able to cover emergencies—for you, themselves, and future children—with ease, before getting married.
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Career changes during wedding planning sucks
Wedding planning is a huge hassle. It breaks some couples up. If a man is going through career changes or career uncertainty, he can’t handle planning a wedding at the same time.
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Career changes during those first years suck
Though he can’t totally control it, many men also want to know their career will be quite stable during those first few years of marriage. They want to have a solid launching point for their marriage.
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The honeymoon needs to be amazing
And the honeymoon needs to be incredible, by the way. He wants to spoil his bride. Again, it doesn’t matter that your parents said they’d pay for it—it’s a pride thing for men.
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Cavemen instincts
It’s really just their caveman instinct. They want to have hunted and gathered plenty of resources and built a really solid cave so they can offer their bounty to a bride.
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Never saying no to you
Your partner wants to know he can spoil his wife. He doesn’t want to have to tell you that you, as a couple, cannot afford that trip or car that you want. As a single man, he can say, “I can’t afford that” but as a husband, he feels bad saying, “We, with our shared money, can’t afford that.” If he’s going to pull you into his finances, he wants them to be on solid ground.
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The wedding is a reward
For a lot of men, a wedding is a reward they get to enjoy only once they’ve established themselves in their careers. They just think differently from women in that way.
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