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Considering how much people grow and evolve over the years, it’s actually surprising that many friendships last as long as they do. Childhood friendships are especially fickle like that. They’re certainly special, and there is something about having known someone forever that improves the chances that you will know that person forever. The things you connected on when you were little were pure and innocent. They had nothing to do with money or status or even trauma or insecurities. You were attracted to something much more fundamental and permanent about each other’s personalities. But then, we do change so much as we get older that sometimes, even that long-time bond isn’t enough keep the friendship alive. Here are signs you’ve outgrown your friend.
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Your conversations don’t energize you
You no longer leave your conversations feeling excited about the future and hopeful about what’s to come. You leave them feeling rather neutral, as if you just accomplished an errand and can now move on with your day.
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Her problems don’t elicit compassion
When she complains of problems in her life, it doesn’t elicit much compassion on your end. You just don’t feel that strongly about her pain and challenges. You aren’t a cold person traditionally, but maybe your connection is just weakening.
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You only see her if it’s convenient
You wouldn’t go out of your way to see this friend. You’ll see her if you can squeeze the hangout in between other tasks and if it’s on your way to something else.
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You disagree with her values
You find yourself disagreeing with her values. You don’t value the same things she does. You don’t see eye to eye on the way she chooses what to spend her time and energy on.
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Her goals make no sense to you
You can’t imagine caring about the things she cares about. Whatever she’s aspiring for is just not something you want in your life. Maybe, for example, she is fixated on money and you’re fixated on fulfillment.
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You barely laugh together
You hardly ever laugh together anymore. But you used to laugh so hard together that you’d cry and even pee yourselves a little bit.
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Conversations are surface level
Conversations have devolved to the price of rent or where to buy good shoes or the traffic in your neighborhood. You barely go deep anymore.
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You forget to invite her
You forget to invite her to…your birthday party…your engagement party…your house warming party. She used to be an automatic addition to the VIP list and now you have to remind yourself to invite her.
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Your partners never meet
You wouldn’t dare bother your partner with meeting her partner. That’s because, in your gut, you have the feeling that your friendship with her is already on the way out, so why would you make your significant other waste his time on it?
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You won’t spend money on her
You’re hesitant to spend much money on the interaction. If she’s having a whole birthday party extravaganza that includes dinner, a show, and drinks, you only tag in for the drinks part.
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You wouldn’t travel with her
This is not someone you’d be eager to take a friends trip with. But you used to travel together…
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You feel dishonest after a hangout
You feel a little gross after hanging out. You feel like you disrespected yourself and your time. You feel like you weren’t completely honest and transparent in the interaction.
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She doesn’t like your new friends
If she doesn’t like your new friends and your new friends don’t like her, but you really like your new friends, there’s bound to be a disconnect.
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You always discuss the past
You spend most of your time talking about the past and the good times you already had rather than creating new ones.
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You judge her a lot
When you talk about her to other people, you find yourself judging her. The things you have to say aren’t really positive or complimentary.
