When Your Friend Gains Weight And Doesn’t Know It
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Weight gain is such a sensitive topic amongst everyone, but particularly amongst women. I have noticed that men can playfully call each other out for packing on a few pounds from too much beer or barbecue, but I don’t think any woman would dare pat her friend on the stomach and make such a joke. You just don’t do that to women. But what are you to do when your good friend has clearly put on significant weight? You know that, unfortunately, the world is harder on overweight women. Dating becomes difficult. Even job prospects become smaller. You do not want your friends to suffer any of that. But you also don’t know how to bring it up. Here’s what to do when your good friend puts on weight and does not realize it.
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Do not tell her
Under no circumstances are you to tell your friend that she gained weight. It will never come off as supportive. It will only come off as mean. One day, she may come to realize you were right but you won’t even be friends at that point because you were mean enough to tell her she gained weight.
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It might be a phase
Keep in mind that this might be a phase. Haven’t you gone through phases of life when your weight fluctuated? If you have, then you know sometimes these things just pass. Don’t take action unless her weight gain becomes severe and clearly isn’t going to stop.
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If she mentions it, respond with questions
If she does mention that she feels a little heavier, don’t respond by saying, “You are.” Instead, respond with questions like “Why do you think that is?” or “Have you been doing anything different with your diet?”
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Say your tips out loud
You probably have little healthy tricks you do all day, like scooping some of the dough out of your bread for a skinnier sandwich. If you do these around your friend, say out loud, “I’m just removing some bread—I need to cut carbs” to get her thinking about doing the same.
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Invite her to exercise
Invite her to sign up to an exercise class with you. If you can find something regular that she’d have to commit to—like three times a week for two months—you could get her back on track of a healthy lifestyle.
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Walk down memory lane
Look over old photos from college, high school, or as far back as you go. She may have a reality check that she’s put on quiet a bit of weight since those photos were taken.
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Suggest a different activity
When she suggests brunch, you suggest a beach walk. When she suggests happy hour with wings and nachos, you suggest taking the dogs to the park.
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Reprimand yourself for not exercising
Make little criticisms of yourself out loud like, “Ugh. I haven’t been exercising enough lately. I need to get back on top of that.” She may reflect and wonder if that applies to her, too.
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Ask if she is happy in her relationship
She may be binge eating because she’s unhappy in her relationship. If her and her boyfriend just don’t really talk or have sex much, she may be turning to food.
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Ask if she is happy at work now
She may be binge eating because she’s miserable at her job. The only thing she has to look forward to is lots of food at the end of the day. If that’s the case, talk to her about possibly switching jobs.
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Sign up for a cooking class
If you give her a healthy cookbook, that can be too aggressive. But signing you two up for a healthy cooking class just seems like a fun way to spend time together. Meanwhile, she’ll pick up healthy tips.
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Find out when she binge eats
Try to get the run down on her day. What do her evenings look like? Afternoons? When does the overeating happen? If you can pick up on this piece of information, you may find the emotional source of the over eating. You could also find another way to occupy her during those times.
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Discuss your own weight concerns
Chat out loud about your own weight concerns. Mention you’ve put on a little weight, or have noticed you have to work harder to stay slim as you get older. You’ll put these thoughts into her subconscious.
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Talk about another friend who gained weight
You could, in a sideways manner, talk about some other friend who has gained weight. Say you’re worried about her, and not sure how to address it. Your friend may wonder if she has also gained weight.
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If she asks, you can be honest
If she does say to you, “Be honest: have I gained weight?” then and only then are you allowed to say, “Yes. You have. Want me to help you lose it?”
