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Having a male best friend—I mean really a best friend whom you talk to several times a day, hang out with weekly, tell all your secrets to, and even bring home for the holidays—can be a lot of fun. It can also create an interesting dynamic when you get into a serious relationship of the romantic kind with another man. If your male bestie is gay then, that shouldn’t affect your romantic relationships. But if you have a straight male best friend, the men you date can see that as a threat. And male best friends have a way of being a bit more intimidating to your boyfriends than your female besties do. If you’ve ever dated a man with a best friend of the opposite sex, then you know it affects things. It’s not always a good thing or a bad thing, but it changes things. Here is how your male best friend affects your relationship.
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He’s a harsh critic
Your male best friend will probably be the harshest critic of the men you date, just as you are a harsh critic of the women he dates. Your female friends might make comments about the men you date, but your male best friend picks up on tons of little guy things—traits, habits, flaws—that your female friends just don’t.
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He brings out jealousy early
One benefit of having a male best friend is that, if the men you date have any jealousy issues, those will come out fast. Great. Good riddance to them. Super jealous and controlling men won’t tolerate a male best friend around.
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Sharing a bed becomes not okay
You’ve known your male bestie forever. For as long as you can remember, if you traveled together or he just got super drunk and had to sleep at your place, you’d share a bed. But that becomes not-so-okay when you have a boyfriend. Think about it: would you want your boyfriend sharing a bed with another woman?
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He becomes a third wheel
Your bestie used to be your date to weddings, NYE parties, and just about anything else that required a plus-one. Now, if he’s single and you’re dating someone, he gets bumped from plus-one to third wheel—a role to which he may not take kindly.
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He outdoes your boo on presents
Your male best friend has the advantage of knowing you very well—your quirks, habits, and preferences—so he gets you really good birthday gifts. He may outdo your boyfriend by a lot. But if he’s a nice male bestie, he’ll help your boyfriend pick out the perfect gift.
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He knows more about you
Your male best friend can reference stories from your life from a decade ago. That can leave your boyfriend feeling a bit insecure. He feels like he’ll never catch up to knowing you as well as your male bestie does.
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Your man may hang with your friends more
If your male bestie is cool with your boyfriend, then that may actually entice your boyfriend to come to your social events more often. He doesn’t want to tag along on a girls’ night, but if your male best friend will be there, then it isn’t a girls’ night.
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He understands the exes
Your male bestie understands your ex boyfriends better than anybody. It’s just a guy thing. He has some rather precious insider information on every man that has come before your current boyfriend—something that can make your new man feel insecure.
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He may overstep his bounds
Your male best friend was probably a surrogate boyfriend before your actual boyfriend came around. So he’s used to doing things like…planning your birthday party and being there to console you when you’re upset. He may overstep his bounds in these areas, pushing your boyfriend out of the way.
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He can give you good insight
Having a male best friend is definitely valuable to you. He can give you insight into your boyfriend’s mind. When your man is upset and you don’t understand why, your male best friend can translate.
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Sex talk can be touchy
Your boyfriend probably expects you to talk to your female besties about your sex life. That being said, he doesn’t really want you talking to your male best friend about your sex life. Most men don’t want another man knowing the details of something that intimate.
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Your friend can feel left in the dust
Before your boyfriend came around, it was your male best friend you spent the 4th of July with, went to the Farmer’s market with, waited in line for hours for opening night of certain movies with, and so on. Now you do that with your boyfriend and your male bestie can feel left in the dust. So, remember to still invite him.
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He’s all over your social media
Because you have so many photos with your male bestie—photos in which you’re hugging and being affectionate—people often run into you, your bestie, and your boyfriend and ask of your bestie, “Is this your boyfriend!?” It’s awkward for everyone.
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People think you’ll get together
Real talk: a lot of your friends and family believe you and your best friend will wind up together—a belief your boyfriend picks up on sometimes.
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He can be a challenge, and a good thing
Having a male best friend can be good for your romantic relationship, or bad for it. You’ll always play the balancing act of making sure your boyfriend and best friend both feel like a top priority. But, if those two become good friends, it can be a dream come true.
