Do Better In 2019: Worst Examples Of Toxic Masculinity This Year

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John Gray

John Gray has had quite the year. Whether it was encouraging Tiny to work things out with TI, or advising women to stop walking in the spirit of girlfriend, Gray’s problem seems to be that he has quite a bit of advice about what women should be doing–at the expense of what men can do to be better in relationships. The most egregious example of this came when Gray said that his wife endured more pain birthing him than she did bringing their two children into the world.  The notion that women should be of service to men to the detriment of themselves is a problem.

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Every Man who was still defending Bill Cosby

When we first heard the allegations against Bill Cosby, there were plenty of Black men and women who uncharacteristically lent credence to the United States justice system, by saying “innocent until proven guilty.” They came up with all types of conspiracy theories about why Bill Cosby was suddenly being attacked. (He was trying to buy NBC.) But when he was proven guilty of just one incident, based on evidence, people still found a reason to defend him. This man is a serial rapist, with decades of allegations, from dozens of women lodged against him. There’s nothing to defend.

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Offset… and His Daddy

and while we’re at it, we might as well include the famous men (The Game, Lil Duval etc.)  who encouraged Cardi to take this man back. Offset spent more than enough time during his relationship and marriage to Cardi cheating. And instead of just remaining faithful, he continued to cheat only to use emotional manipulation tactics later to get Cardi back. Interrupting her historic concert in front of an audience to get her to respond to his wants.

And the fact that his father said that Cardi was responsible for the devastation of his family is just ridiculous. 

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Men Who Killed Women Women Who Said No

Every year, I struggle to find the emotional bandwidth to write about the men who abuse and even kill wives, girlfriends and mothers who decided that since a woman wouldn’t do what he said, he needed to physically injure her. This year, there was the story about a former judge who stabbed his ex-wife to death. A guest star on the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” was beaten to death by her boyfriend. And another husband jumped on the hood of his car to kill his wife who was attempting to flee. 

Sadly, there are so many other stories like these that never make the mainstream news. But there are men who believe if they can’t dictate a woman’s behavior, she should be physically punished or even killed for operating outside of his will.

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TI

TI’s track record and his issues with women is long. Before the election of Hillary Clinton, he said that women shouldn’t be president because they’re too emotional. In addition to habitually cheating on his wife and embarrassing her in the process, he also went on a crusade to sway men out of marriage, saying it’s a distraction—though he refused to sign the divorce papers Tiny served him. It’s an manipulative cycle of gas lighting.

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50 Cent

Where to begin with 50 Cent. I think the worst thing about his is that he not only chooses which of his children he’s going to love and support but he consistently bashes his eldest son on social media. There’s the bullying he takes part in on social media and then there was the fact that he was so gung ho about reposting the sex tape of Teairra Mari.

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Pastor Who Threw 16-year-old out of his church

The church is one of the few places in the world where people of all walks of life are supposed to be accepted and embraced. But that is often far from the case. One pastor showed just how hateful church leaders can be when he not only publicly shamed a 16-year-old for dressing as a woman. He also dismissed the teenager from the church. Before launching into a sermon about how he would never allow these type of people in the church. Toxic masculinity takes issue with feminine presentation from people they deem masculine. And instead of accepting the spectrum of gender expression and exhibiting the love of Christ, this pastor gave us an example of what we shouldn’t do.

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Fabolous

The video of Fabolous lunging his longtime girlfriend and mother of his child Emily Bustamante, her father and brother, has to be one of the most disturbing things I saw this year. But more than that, the allegations that the rapper hit Bustamante so hard that her teeth had to be medically replaced is even worse. No matter what Emily B. decides to do in terms of their relationship, this behavior was disgusting. And it’s a shame that more people in the Hip Hop community have not held him responsible or even questioned him about his actions.

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Russell Simmons

This year, there were more than a few men who were accused of sexual assault. They didn’t make this list because while we won’t speculate on their guilt or innocence, they had enough sense not to make a bad situation worse. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for Russell Simmons. While he initially started off acknowledging that he may have been ignorant of what constituted sexual assault, as more allegations trickled in, his responses became more bizarre. He tried to launch a #NotMe movement and even told actor Terry Crews to give his alleged abuser Adam Venit a pass. What was particularly telling is that he stepped down from his companies and bought a home in Bali where he cannot be prosecuted by the United States government, should any of these allegations ever go to court.

Toxic indeed.