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I’m always a little shocked when I still hear lines like these. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised because there’s a certain type of human male nature that seems like it’s always been around and always will be. But, I suppose I figured that those types of men couldn’t have possibly escaped all of the news, talk, social media posts, and stories about men just like them and how, you know, society isn’t down with them right now. Nonetheless, I’ve still been approached with some age-old, always annoying, never successful lines. Sometimes I think men just never ask themselves, “How does this line sound to the other person?” Or “Where could the conversation even go from here?” I’m sure if they asked themselves such things, they wouldn’t say these lines…right? Ugh. Who knows? Here are opening lines that kill a man’s chances.
via GIPHY
Where’s your boyfriend?
Because, naturally, women should not go out in public without a chaperone. And, naturally, any attractive woman must have a boyfriend, because why would she stay single? Doesn’t every woman want a boyfriend?
via GIPHY
I’d hit it
Yeah, we know. You’re a man. Nobody was curious as to whether or not you would hit it. No woman was hoping, desperately, that someone would tell her they’d hit it. We walk around assuming most men think things like this and hoping they have the grace and wisdom to keep those thoughts to themselves.
via GIPHY
You’re the most beautiful woman
Okay first of all, we don’t like to be lied to. And no matter how much self-confidence a woman has, we have the practical knowledge that you’ve probably seen thousands of women—including models and actresses—and we aren’t necessarily the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. That’s okay. We don’t mind. But don’t lie. Also, even if it were true, where could this possibly lead the conversation? There isn’t really anything a woman can say to this besides, “Thanks” and the conversation dies.
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I’d like to wife you up
Oh gee, thank goodness. Because we were just sitting around, waiting to be picked. The only thing stopping us from being your wife is your desire to wifey us up. Certainly nothing else like…our opinion of you and whether or not we want to be wifeyed up at all.
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You’d make beautiful babies
Well, since all a woman aspires to do on this earth is make babies, you’ve just paid her the best compliment. No need to ask anything about her or what else she aspires to do. Nope—you’ve really just appealed to her sense of utility and reproductive attractiveness. And that’s all she wanted…
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Why do you look so sad?
We are just thinking. We are just sitting and thinking about…any number of things. We aren’t going to sit around, with a toothy grin while we think, looking insane. This is the sister line of the other annoying thing men say—smile more.
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I have a girlfriend but may need to upgrade
Well we just love men who like to cheat! And we also love being compared to other women. This just checks off so many things on our wish list when it comes to being hit on.
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You look like you’re having no fun
And do you, sir, always look like you just won something on “The Price Is Right?” She’s probably just checking an email on her phone or waiting for a friend. And even if she is bored, she wasn’t waiting for some strange man to come along and amuse her.
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I just had to come over here
Okay….and now what? You’re just leaving the ball—that she didn’t ask for—in her court. We aren’t so easily flattered that we’ll completely lead the conversation all because you just had to come over here.
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I see you
This is one men will lob out while we’re walking by. We’re supposed to apparently stop, activate, and be so excited somebody saw us. Hmmm…we actually assume most men don’t just see us but stare, gawk, drool, and generally look when we don’t want them to.
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Do we know each other?
Who knows? But she doesn’t want to get into a guessing game of trying to figure out all the places you may have met. You clearly went over to hit on her. If you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t have approached, even if you do know her from somewhere.
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You look too good to be out alone
Meaning that women who don’t look good should be alone? And furthermore, that male companionship is a thing that is earned by looking good? What wonderful sentiments.
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If I were your man…
First off, whatever the promise is, it isn’t true. If you were her man you’d probably be a lazy partner and out dropping cheesy lines like this on other women. Second, she wasn’t lining up men, asking for their propositions.
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Am I interrupting?
Yes. You are. If women were chatting, you interrupted. They met there to catch up. Maybe if they’re interested in you, they’ll welcome the interruption. But yes, you were interrupting.
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I had a date but, I can ditch her
Wow. That’s all we’ve ever wanted in a man—someone who will completely disregard the feelings of someone else, all because another woman looks better. Can’t wait to see how that would play out if we dated you.
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I can show you a good time
Just for the record, even if a woman were to sleep with you, I can promise you that it is you that would have the better time because pleasing a man is pretty much brainless work any person can do.
