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Saying, “I love you” for the first time can be exciting, heart-warming, and romantic…but sometimes it can cause a fight or even trigger a breakup. Sometimes it can prompt an awkward conversation about how everyone’s feelings are progressing (clearly at different rates). Your hope when you first tell someone you love him is that he’s been itching to say it to you, too. So when you say it, it’s just a relief for everybody and he can finally say it back. Sometimes, you feel like that is what is going on, and your feeling is right. But sometimes we just see and feel what we want to see and feel. Sometimes we project, and insert more meaning into moments than there really is. When you do tell someone “I love you” for the first time, you do it because you believe the feeling is reciprocated. But a lot of people don’t hear it back so…sometimes our intuition cannot be trusted. It’s already hard enough when that happens during a normal moment—and worse if it happens during these moments. Here are the absolutely wrong times to say, “I love you” for the first time.
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During a breakup
If you’ve only been dating for a short amount of time, and a guy wants to call things quits, bursting out, “But I love you!” won’t really help matters then. It’ll just make you go out with no dignity left.
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During sex
It’s a golden rule and yet so many people break it: do not say “I love you” during sex for the first time. If the other person says it back, it may just be the orgasm talking. If he doesn’t say it back, sex is definitely canceled.
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At a funeral
Sometimes, seeing someone go through a lot of pain makes you realize how much you care about him and that you love him. But that still doesn’t mean that his grandma’s funeral is the right place to tell a guy you love him. It’s a little manipulative.
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In his birthday speech
So you want to give a fun little toast at his birthday party. You want to talk about how fun it’s been getting to know him and how great the relationship is going and…oh screw it, you’d like to announce that you love him. Get ready to hear crickets. Even if he does love you back, he won’t appreciate this embarrassing public display.
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Through a text
Even if you’re in the middle of an adorable text exchange in which you’re telling each other all the reasons you adore each other…don’t say, “I love you” for the first time in a text. If he says it back, it’ll actually feel sad. If he doesn’t, then the next time you talk in person will be quite uncomfortable.
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During the “What are we?” talk
He wants to have a talk about where this relationship is going, and you both decide that you’re exclusive, and can call each other “boyfriend and girlfriend.” Then you decide to skip five steps and say, “And I love you.” Woooaah. Slow your roll.
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When you’re wasted
Saying it after a drink or two is fine. But saying it when you’re completely sloshed is a nightmare waiting to happen. If he doesn’t respond, you have a massive, drunken fight coming your way. If he says it back, you can’t really trust it—he was wasted.
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When he’s falling asleep
Don’t tell the poor guy this while he’s dozing off. If he doesn’t want to say it back, then you’ve just triggered a pretty major discussion when the guy was barely conscious.
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You just ended a relationship
If you just got out of a relationship, and are finally free to date someone you’ve been into for a while, you can’t tell that new person you’re in love with him right away. It won’t feel genuine to him—you were just with somebody else.
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You just lost someone
If you’re the one who just experienced a tragedy, you’ll be highly emotional. You can’t really trust your feelings. It’s the wrong time to say, “I love you” and the guy will feel terrible if he doesn’t say it back.
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In a birthday card
In his birthday card, along with a very generous present, you add the awkward present of writing, “I love you.” If he doesn’t feel the same way, he’ll feel so bad about it—you just gave him a nice present.
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On Valentine’s Day
It may seem like the perfect day to say it—and it will be if he feels the same way. But if he doesn’t, Valentine’s Day will for sure be ruined. It’s not worth the risk. Wait for February 15th.
On your
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On your birthday
It’s not fair to tell a guy you love him on your birthday. What is he to do if he doesn’t feel the same way? Tell the birthday girl he doesn’t love her back?
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A major holiday
Halloween, New Year’s Eve, and all the other fun ones—if you express your love on one of these and it isn’t reciprocated, that holiday is ruined forever. Or at least for a very long time.
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When he gets comfortable
He just farted or did something else gross that showed his comfort levels around you. It’s a funny milestone. It just made you realize you love him. That’s nice but, do you really want your story of exchanging I love yous to be, “Well he farted and…”?
