Are You An Abusive Girlfriend? - Page 8

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Toxic relationships are much more common than many of us care to think about and often the narrative centers on men as the perpetrators. However, abuse knows no gender and there are a number of women who are abusive partners when it comes to their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives.

Abuse isn’t just physical; emotional, verbal, and mental abuse can be just as damaging as a punch to the face, and women are just as capable of exhibiting the same toxic behavior as their male counterparts when it comes to all forms of abuse. Unfortunately, while we’re just coming around to be able to openly discuss the various ways in which men are abusive, we’re much further behind in identifying abusive behavior in women. So, to help denormalize behavior we’ve shrugged off as “women being women,” we’ve identified these traits of abusive women.

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You Bully Your Partner To Get Your Way

Bullying of any kind is one of the oldest and most common forms of abuse, and if you do it regularly in your relationship then there is definitely a huge problem.

Constantly bullying your partner in an effort to get your way is a very disturbing practice of exerting power in the relationship, making your partner feel less than. Things will never always go your way, but you don’t have the right to bully your partner because you’re upset about it.

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You’ve Used The “Gaslighting” Technique More Than Once

If you don’t know, gaslighting is a common form of abuse where the abuser tries to make their partner think that their feelings and experiences in the relationship are not real. Basically, this high form of manipulation attempts to make the receiver think they’re crazy.

When you are abusive, you may frequently use this technique to shift the focus from your abusive actions and put the concentration on the false narrative that your partner is just imaging things. This could be in the form of cheating, embarrassing public encounters and other disturbing behaviors.

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You Run Hot And Cold With Your Feelings

Relationships are already hard, but imagine how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone who always changes how they feel about you. Dealing with this emotional uncertainty is one of the worse forms of emotional abuse.

It is also a means of controlling the relationship to your benefit. You’re extremely cold to your partner, then when you’ve pushed them away at your preferred distance, you go out of your way to win back their affection. This yo-yoing of emotions is extremely unhealthy.

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You’re Controlling

When it all comes down to it, most people who are abusive all want one thing more than anything else: control. All other abusive tendencies can be traced back to the need for control in the relationship.

An extremely controlling person uses said control as a means to feel better about themselves and place themselves in a position of power over the other, things that should never happen in a relationship.

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Manipulation And Intimidation Are Your Default Settings

If you consistently lead with manipulation and intimidation tactics in your relationship, then you are definitely abusive.  Relationships should be about love and respect, two things that should never involve you manipulating and intimidating your partner.

This behavior also makes your partner feel small and less than important because you are lording your power over them in an effort to benefit yourself.

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You’ve Gotten Physical With Your Partner

Nothing else really needs to be said. If you have ever gotten physical with your partner in any way, regardless of the fact that you’re a woman, you are abusive.

Physically abusing someone is never okay and should never be dismissed because of the supposed love of the relationship.

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You Put Your Partner Down To Feel Better

When people are insecure they often resort to putting others down to make themselves feel better. This behavior begins as early as childhood and can easily carry over into adult relationships.

If making your partner feel bad about themselves gives you a sick sense of satisfaction, you are guilty of one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse that can take your partner years to overcome.

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You Alienate Your Partner From Others

When you’re afraid that outside influences will cause your partner to leave you and your abusive behavior behind, you employ alienation tactics to keep them isolated.

The logic behind this is that others will see your abusive behavior for what it is, influencing your partner and since you want to have total control, you can’t let your partner out of your sight long enough for it to happen.

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You Constantly Shift Blame

Abusers can never take responsibility for their actions, it’s always someone else’s fault. Due to this inability to be accountable, they constantly shift the blame from themselves to their partner.

It takes a lot of maturity to own up to your mistakes when you make them and if you’re unable to do that, not only are you abusive, but you’re not ready to be in a relationship at all.