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I don’t know why we allow it to happen, but many women transform into their partner’s mothers instead of their girlfriends and wives. Maybe it’s because the first few times we baby our boyfriends, they respond so positively. They tell us we’re the best partners in the world. They brag to their friends, as we hand them a sandwich with the crusts cut off, “Don’t I have the best girlfriend in the world?” How could we not want more positive affirmations like those? Or perhaps it’s because some men are just so darn helpless that, we find ourselves doing little things just to keep them alive—basic things that they don’t know how to do themselves. It’s a slippery slope, and once we start we can’t stop. We find ourselves following them around and hovering like helicopter parents. We’ve seen the depths of their incompetence and now we can’t look away…! Here are signs you’re more of a mother to him than a girlfriend.
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You remind him of doctor’s appointments
If it weren’t for you, your partner would never go to important health screenings and regular checkups. You have a copy of his health insurance card to make these appointments for him and you drive him there.
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You wait on hold for him
He throws tantrums if he has to wait on hold with customer service to talk to the Internet service provider or his car insurance company, so you wait on hold for him, and pass him the phone when the representative comes on.
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You’re the face of the relationship
You do most of the talking in social settings because he’s too busy watching the game that’s on the TV screen or playing a game on his phone.
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You manage his blood sugar
If it weren’t for you, he’d probably never eat or he’d at least have dangerous blood sugar crashes. You keep snacks in your purse for him. You also have to keep track of how much fast food he eats each week or it would just get out of hand.
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You notice his symptoms
He never notices any of his odd symptoms. He’d let very clear issues go on for months or years if you didn’t point them out. He’d probably die of an easily preventable problem by age 40 if you weren’t around.
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His finances would be shot without you
He has no idea how much anything costs. You’ve had to stop him from leasing cars for which the payments would be half his paycheck—he just hadn’t done the math.
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You save his life a lot
You generally have to watch him so he doesn’t jump off a roof for fun or light something on fire because he “just wanted to see what would happen.”
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You pick up after him
You always find yourself picking up after him. You’ve tried nagging him to do so, but you just wound up living in a very messy home that you just couldn’t tolerate.
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He can’t dress himself
He has no idea what the appropriate dress code is to anything. He tried wearing shorts to a wedding once.
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You care for yourself when sick
You can’t count on him to care for you when you’re sick—you make yourself soup and pick yourself up medicine. Meanwhile, his life falls apart when you’re too busy taking care of yourself to care for him.
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You comfort yourself when down
If you’re stressed out, you purposefully stay away from your partner—you need a moment to yourself before he starts asking where the peanut butter is or how to work the new remote control.
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You fear the state of the apartment
Every day, when you go home, you have waking nightmares about the way the house might look. What terror will you walk into this time?
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You lie to get alone time
Just like a mama, you lie to your partner to get alone time. You say you have a doctor’s appointment when you’re actually just going to the movies by yourself.
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You do everyone’s errands
Errands day consists of you collecting your partner’s to-do list and doing it for him, in addition to your own.
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You have to beg for affection
You’ve said the words, “Will you stop playing that video game and have sex with me?”
