Do You Use Your Career To Avoid Relationships?

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workaholic and marriage

Source: Geber86 / Getty

If you want to avoid dating, relationships, and intimacy all together, being a workaholic is a good way to do it. It’s hard for anyone to argue with the fact that you need to leave the…date/bed/singles mixer/emotional conversation…for an urgent work matter. Nobody wants to interfere with your livelihood, and you know it, so your livelihood aka career is the first thing you run to when you’re uncomfortable. I can also admit that women feel an added pressure to favor their careers over their personal life, simply to prove society that they don’t do the opposite. People don’t expect women to put their jobs before their relationships, and some women want to prove the world wrong. Or, perhaps, they want to prove themselves—their fear that love could get in the way of career success—wrong. If you relate to some of this, then there’s a good chance you use your career to avoid relationships.

You move a lot for work

You’ve accepted a job that doesn’t really let you put roots down anywhere. Being with someone who moves a lot for work is already hard enough on an existing relationship, but you’re not even staying in one place long enough to find that someone.

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You work late—not at a boss’ insistence

You always work long after everyone else has gone home. Your boss hasn’t asked you to do this. In fact, your boss has urged you to go home—to “have fun” or to “go on some dates!” And yet, here you still are at 10pm, working away.

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You attend every out-of-town conference

You eagerly say yes to every out-of-town conference. You’ve more than met your quota on these, but you won’t miss even one. And, by the way, there is one several weekends out of the month, which means you’re barely home on weekends.

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After a bad date, you dive into work

If you do manage to go on a date and it goes poorly, the first thing you do is dive into work. You don’t call a friend to talk about the date. You don’t treat yourself to ice cream while you process it. You instantly get on your work computer or phone and get back to work.

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You use it to avoid other things

If a family visit isn’t going well, you find some work excuse to go home early. If you’re in a fight with a friend, you ignore her calls to talk about it, in favor of doing extra work. If you use work to avoid most personal areas of your life, you probably use it to avoid dating.

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You had a codependent parent

Perhaps you had a parent who was completely codependent on the other. This parent didn’t work, gave up a career for the marriage, and basically lived and breathed for her spouse. She wound up cheated on, or just divorced, with nothing left. You never want to be that person.

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You reject dates for fake work

People you actually like have asked you out, and rather than say yes, you just said you had to work on some urgent project. The truth is that the project definitely could’ve waited a day or two.

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You work holidays, rather than partying

You work on paid holidays. Your boss urges you not to. You have been invited to several parties (parties where there may be singles). And yet, you choose to work. You insist it’s important.

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Your phone is your comfort item

After an awkward interaction at a party (say, with a cute guy), you immediately get on your phone and start answering work emails. It’s like your security blanket.

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You live near work, which is near nothing

You chose an apartment right by your office, which isn’t close to anything else. There isn’t one cute coffee shop or bar at which you could possibly meet anyone in your neighborhood. Your life consists of going to the office, and going home.

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You schedule meetings after dates

If you have a date at 1pm, you schedule a work call at 3:15 pm. You make sure you always have an out. Even if the date is going great, you don’t even allow yourself the chance to let it go longer.

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You schedule calls during parties

You schedule work calls in the middle of parties. It gives you an excuse to duck into a room and get away from everyone.

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You discuss work—not relationships

When people ask about your dating life, you change the subject to work. You immediately offer updates about your career, and brush over the relationship talk entirely.

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Your office can stop a panic attack

If you’re feeling panicked, you close your eyes and picture your office. At the very least, your office is a place where you feel calm, and social interactions are where you feel nervous.

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You think your career is your best asset

Deep down, perhaps you fear that there’s nothing likeable about you other than your career success. So you spend all your time cultivating the one thing that you think is the only good thing about you. There are many other wonderful things about you, but for some reason, you’ve failed to see those.

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