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There’s a big difference between giving constructive criticism and just being downright judgmental. Judgmental individuals don’t really want to help the people they judge—they just want to send their negative opinion out into the atmosphere, make others feel bad, and go on about their day. Maybe they aren’t happy in their lives. Maybe they’re just bored. Maybe they don’t even realize they do it, but they’ve just been doing it for so long that they know no other way to live. Whatever the reason, we all have that judgmental friend—that friend who, when we talk about her with other people, we say, “Please don’t mention this to her” because we don’t want the criticism. Why do we keep these friends around? Perhaps we feel bad for them, or they have other really great qualities that cancel out the big negative one. If you can’t think of who your judgmental friend is, it might be you…Here are signs you’re the judgmental friend.
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Friends don’t ask for your opinion
If you think about it, you realize that nobody ever asks for your opinion. It could be because you give it, whether or not it’s asked for, so nobody ever even gets the chance to ask for it. And they get it so much, that they don’t want it anymore.
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They explain their appearance
Your friends make excuses for the way they look, or the way their home looks, the second they see you. They’re trying to beat you to it, because they know you’ll make some comments otherwise.
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They grin and nod at your comments
When you mention something your friends should do differently—get this haircut, decorate this way, be like this on dates—they don’t really respond. They smile, nod, and change the subject.
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They don’t share good news
You often have to hear from third parties about your friend’s good news. It could be because, when they’ve told you good news in the past, you’ve immediately started to pick away at it and find the bad in it.
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They don’t share their mistakes
You also only hear from third parties about your friend’s mess-ups. That’s probably because they don’t want to hear all the “I told you so’s” that would come from you.
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Friends isolate you from people
Some of your friends keep you away from their friends, whom you don’t know. It could be because they’re afraid you’ll judge their other friends—either to their face, or behind their back later.
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You hear “Before you say anything” often
You often hear the words, “Before you say anything” right before a friend tells you a life update. Essentially, she can already predict all the ways you’ll tear it apart.
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You aren’t wanted at some celebrations
You have been left out of a lot of celebrations, for people you thought you were close to. It could be because you just aren’t good at remaining positive and upbeat, and your friends only want positivity on their celebratory nights.
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You say, “I tell it like it is”
You say the words, “I tell it like it is” often. That’s the cop-out phrase judgmental people use to excuse themselves for saying something mean.
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You also say, “What? It’s true”
You also hear the words, “What? It’s true” come out of your mouth a lot. This is usually after you’ve said something, and all of your friends looked at you like you’d gone too far.
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Friends say little about their relationships
Your friends withhold information about their dating lives and romantic relationships. When you ask about that, they keep it brief by saying, “It’s great!” and change the subject. It’s weird because, women tend to talk about their relationships, but they don’t want to hear your negative analysis of their relationships.
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Friends want to meet out
Friends rarely invite you to their home. They seem to go out of their way to keep you out of there. It’s because they don’t want to have you nitpick at their cleanliness or décor.
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You aren’t invited to performances
You learn, after the fact, of performances, presentations, and other important professional events your friends had. Maybe they didn’t want you there, because you sit in the front row and can’t wipe the judgmental look from your face.
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Your “help” is turned down
When you offer to help someone…get ready for a big event or…get set up in their new apartment…people usually say no. They don’t want all the criticism that will come along.
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You’re deeply insecure
You may not admit it to anyone else, but if you know you are quite insecure then there is a good chance you’re also judgmental. Judging others is a good way to take the attention off oneself.
