long distance relationships

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Fighting in a relationship is never fun, but fighting in a long distance relationship can feel like torture. You just want to be with your partner so badly—to touch him, look at him, and reassure him that this fight won’t be the one that ends the relationship. When the fight is over, you want to be able to be affectionate with each other. Just being long distance when you’re getting along is tough enough. Add a fight to the distance, and everything feels worse. The distance feels further and the fight feels bigger. For some reason, when you fight with your long distance boo, it’s something that just tugs at you all day, every day, until the fight is over. When you fight with your partner who lives in town, it’s somehow simpler to put it out of your mind while you’re at work, and set it aside until you see each other. But seeing each other is a long ways away in long distance relationships, so you don’t get that comfort. Here is why fighting in long distance relationships it the worst.

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You can’t see facial expressions

You cannot see your partner’s facial expressions, so you really can’t tell when he’s being sarcastic, when he’s holding back tears, when he’s being genuine, or when he’s just saying what you want to hear. There’s a lot lost in translation.

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Tone comes off wrong

It’s difficult to accurately interpret someone’s tone over the phone, and it’s especially hard to interpret it over text. It’s so easy to take lethargy as someone being discourteous or sincerity for sarcasm.

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Bad Wi-Fi can cut you off

You’re at the mercy of good service. You could be in the middle of finally vocalizing what you need to say in a clear manner when the connection cuts out, and by the time you re-connect, you forget what you were saying.

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No makeup sex

You don’t get to have glorious makeup sex when you’re done. Something about sex just puts a bow on everything and really instills you with the confidence that things will be okay.

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No touching to soften the fight

You can’t put a comforting hand on your partner’s arm while you’re debating. You can’t hug your partner when he cries. Physical touch has a way of really softening harsh words and you can’t do it.

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You can’t do something to bounce back

You don’t have the luxury of doing something fun and light to shake off the fight. You can’t go for a hike or go out for drinks. You just…hang up the phone.

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Not talking feels even worse

When you live in the same place, if you need space during the fight, it’s not a huge deal. But taking space, when you already live far away from each other, feels so much more dramatic.

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It never feels 100 until you see each other

Things never feel entirely back to normal until you see each other again. That’s why you try so hard not to fight when you’re apart—it may be a while until you see each other again.

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Social media activity seems insulting

Somehow, social media activity makes things worse. It seems like your partner is posting at you. You already feel distanced from his life, and when you’re in a fight, his social media posts really make you feel left out.

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You have to schedule an argument

You have to schedule a fight. You have to text and email to find a time when you can both talk for a while…so you can continue the fight.

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Every delayed text feels personal

If your partner takes a little long to text back, it feels worse than ever. You feel like he’s doing it to punish you. You were already sensitive to that, because of the distance.

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Jealousy is worse

Jealousy is amplified. If you know of your partner hanging out with other women, while you’re fighting, you get so much more jealous. Something about the distance makes it feel like more of a threat.

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Friends don’t take it as seriously

Your friends don’t take your fight with your long-distance boyfriend quite as seriously.

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The distance itself causes fights

A lot of your fights are about the distance—when will you see each other next? Who will visit whom this time? Why won’t this person take another vacation day?

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Talking is all you have

Talking is literally all you have, and now that’s ruined, too. The only thing sustaining your connection is good phone calls and Skype sessions, and now there’s even a cloud over that.