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Sexual compatibility is a funny thing. Some would say that if you don’t feel like you click in bed that it’s simply because you aren’t in love. Others might say that anybody can be sexually compatible if they’re willing to do a little communicating. I believe some of that. But I also know that sometimes, casual flings can be the source of some amazing sex and I also know that sometimes couples who love each other deeply just don’t have electricity under the sheets. Whatever is true, you always know when the sex just isn’t…what it could be. It’s frustrating. You make the time to be there. You drive over late at night. You shaved all sorts of areas. You want this to work and then everyone still feels…unsatisfied. Well, let’s be honest: men usually wind up, err, satisfied either way. Sometimes just less than others. Here are signs you’re sexually incompatible.
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You really notice the noises
You’re very aware of the noises. The creaking bed. The skin smacking against each other. The wet sounds. The shuffling of the sheets. The squirting noise the lube bottle makes. You aren’t very in the moment and enjoying yourself if you’re so aware of all the noises. Those fade away during good sex.
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Positions feel uncomfortable
Every position feels uncomfortable. You’re craning your neck too much, you’re bending over too far, or you’re putting too much strain on your knees. This is often true in sex but, when it’s good, the pleasure is so much stronger than the pain that you don’t even notice the pain until the next day when you’re walking funny.
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The kissing isn’t in sync
You couldn’t quite say why the kissing is off but you just never get that good lip lock. You don’t fall into a rhythm. It all feels very mechanical.
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The thrusting is never in sync
This is one of the most important elements and you two just can’t seem to get it right. He pulls back when you do too and then he slips out and then everyone’s apologizing. What a mess.
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You feel weird communicating
A lot of sex can be improved through communication, but if you don’t feel comfortable opening up to this partner, then you may be deeply incompatible. You should be able to give him a performance note without everything devolving into a fight.
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Or, there’s too much communicating
Of course, if there is too much communicating, that isn’t a good sign either. If your entire session in the sack is each person giving the other one feedback and asking for adjustments, you have a problem on your hands.
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His dirty talk upsets you
His dirty talk really disturbs you. It makes you question what you know about this person. It does not turn you on. And it bothers you that it turns him on.
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Your dirty talk isn’t enough for him
Meanwhile, you just can’t seem to make him happy with your dirty talk. You’ve reached your limits on it and it’s barely doing anything for him. But no, you will not say that weird stuff he’s asking you to say.
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There is a lot of re-adjusting
You try, like, 12 positions before anyone is happy and even then everyone is only moderately content. You rarely hear, “Yes! Yes! That’s it!” and you often hear, “Uh, sure—that works.”
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Sex feels like a chore
If you’re dating this person and sleep together regularly then sex can begin to feel like a chore. It’s a thing you have to do to maintain intimacy but not a thing you crave to do.
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You’d never put this on tape
Not that you’re into making sex tapes but if you were, you certainly wouldn’t tape this. This would make people laugh a lot but it wouldn’t arouse anybody.
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You feel awkward after
You both feel awkward afterwards. The silence is uncomfortable. The comments are uncomfortable. You both know you can’t say, “That was great!” because that would be a lie.
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You never orgasm
Perhaps the most telling sign of all is that you never orgasm. Maybe you sort of did once, but the fact that you aren’t really sure is not good.
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He sometimes doesn’t finish
Just based on their biological design, men tend to finish. It’s not difficult for them. So unless your partner is on some medication that messes with his libido, this is not a good sign.
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You’re in your head the whole time
You’re very in your head the entire time. You don’t get lost in the moment. Sex only lasts five to seven minutes but you could swear it lasts 45 minutes. You’re thinking about what you’ll eat or watch on TV when you’re done.
