A stock photo of a young couple having fun while shopping.
You’d be surprised how many men in this day and age not only want a woman who doesn’t work or have her own ambitions but just about require their partner to be a kept woman. Obviously, this is a free country and your partner cannot require you to do anything. If you know that you and your partner have conflicting needs then perhaps that isn’t the right relationship for you. Unfortunately, not all men will come out and tell you on a first date (or even the first year of a relationship), “I want a partner who will quit work, wait at home for me, and cater to my every need.” These misogynists tend to at least be smart enough to know that a lot of women won’t respond kindly to that. Some even get off on turning a strong, independent woman into a kept one, so they hatch their plan slowly. I had a man try to do it to me once, so I can share the warning signs. Here are signs he’s trying to turn you into a kept woman.
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He tunes out when you discuss work
When you talk about your work, he tunes out. He doesn’t ask engaging questions or make comments that keep the conversation going. He says a dismissive, “That’s nice” and changes the subject. He is not your confidante or cheerleader when it comes to your work.
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He says your work is too stressful
Your partner often mentions that your work seems very stressful for you. He even implies it’s bad for your health. If he says anything about your work, it’s to say that it’s not good for you and seems to have negative effects on you.
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He says your work makes you a bad partner
He often names your career as a direct challenge to your relationship. He blames your work for taking you away from him, and says that your workaholic ways make you a bad, inattentive partner. He makes you feel like it has to be him or your career.
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He mentions he could pay for both of you
He has jokingly mentioned several times that he could just pay for both of your lives.
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He says you should take time off to find yourself
He says things about how you should take time off, figure out what you really want, take a break for a few years, take some “you time”, and other things like that. He says he’d totally understand if you did, and he’d financially support you.
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He is jealous of your social life
He doesn’t seem very happy for you if you have social plans that take you away from him. He just wants to know when they’ll be over, but he’s not interested in hearing much about them.
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He wants you home when he gets home
He gets noticeably upset if you aren’t home when he gets home. He’s needy. He calls right away asking where you are and when you’ll be back. He almost seems to feel that you’ve wronged him in some way by not being there to greet him.
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He wants a nanny
He wants a nanny. You don’t want a nanny. Even though it’s possible to have a nanny and still be close to your kids, you really don’t want one. You know you got this whole parenting thing on your own, but your partner insists you have one so that you two can have plenty of alone time.
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He wants a live-in nanny
Your partner actually wants a full-time, live-in nanny. He says it’s very important that you and he always have the freedom to go on trips when you want, go out to dinner when you want, and be alone. He is isolating you from all duties that don’t have to do with attending to his needs.
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He’s introducing you to other kept women
He’s encouraging you to befriend other kept women. He keeps trying to plan double dates and couples trips with his friends who have wives who don’t work.
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He doesn’t like your independent friends
He is noticeably dismissive of your strong, independent friends—especially your single ones. He isn’t very warm towards them. He makes little passive aggressive remarks about them. He likely doesn’t want them influencing you to be like them.
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He’d rather handle the finances
He doesn’t want you knowing much about the finances. Ultimately, this is so that you become completely reliant on him and wind up feeling like you couldn’t make it on your own without him. He’s making you codependent.
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He’s encouraging mundane hobbies
He’s encouraging you to get into…gardening, book clubs, and wine clubs. These are all wonderful things to be certain but he never really encourages you to try something challenging or enlightening.
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He wants you to join a country club
Ah the country club or as one might call it daycare for kept women. He just wants you to really dive into the life of going to the gym in the morning to keep it tight, lying by the pool all day, and coming home a little buzzed off chardonnay at 4pm.
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He wants to make you his assistant
He’s said you should quit your job and be his assistant. It’s a backwards way of making you a kept woman, while giving you the illusion of having a career.
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