You’ve Been Asked To Be A Godparent. Now What?
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So you’ve been asked to be a godparent. Congratulations! Or…congratulations? No, yes—congratulations! Maybe you feel as confused about it as that statement sounded. Being asked to be a godparent is an interesting thing. It can mean a lot of responsibilities, but really, the actual parents will determine how serious the role is. You know if they’re chill people who kind of just want you to take their kid to ice cream sometimes or if they expect you to take a three-month spiritual backpacking trip with their child. There are certain responsibilities that are true of being a godparent, no matter what the real parents are like—such as financial ones. These only kick in if the worst-case scenario happens to the real parents. So are you taking on a big role? Maybe. It’s complex. Here’s what to expect if you’re asked to be a godparent.
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First of all, it’s a huge honor
It really is a big honor. Your friends think that you have incredible character attributes. They probably think you’re responsible, compassionate, generous, smart, and loving. They think you have the traits of an amazing friend. You should definitely give them a huge thank you for asking, no matter what your answer is.
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Gettyimages.com/Rear view of loving mom and her adorable preschool age daughter enjoyed a glass of iced tea on their front porch.
It’s also a huge responsibility
Being a godparent is a big responsibility. Even when not much is expected of you relatively speaking to how the role could go, it’s still a big responsibility. It will be a new role that you need to dedicate time to, at the very least, once a month. And possibly once a day.
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You don’t have to say yes
You do not have to say yes. The parents understand what a major favor they’re asking of you. You shouldn’t take the decision lightly and they’ll appreciate your not taking it lightly.
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But know that they put a lot of thought into it
It’s possible that if your friends are asking you, it’s because they’re right—you would make an awesome godparent. Sometimes your friends know you better than you know yourself, isn’t that true? Just something to think about, if you’re on the fence.
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Gettyimages.com/Subject: Two women close friends having a serious discussion in a home kitchen over a cup of coffee.
And it can be weird if you say no
I’m not going to lie to you and say it’s no big deal at all if you say no. They probably asked because they thought you’d say yes. If you say no, it can hurt the friendship for a little, but you’ll bounce back.
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Gettyimages.com/Shot of a cheerful little boy blowing out candles on a cake that he received from his dad inside at home during the day
You’ll be sending bday gifts for life
If you say yes, then on matters like birthdays and holidays, consider yourself an aunt or uncle figure: you should be sending cards and gifts and attending associated parties.
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Gettyimages.com/A group of four multi-ethnic young women, 18 years old, wearing graduation caps and gowns, holding diplomas, smiling at the camera, laughing.
You’ll attend graduations
You will definitely be attending graduations. Not just the big ones like high school but also preschool, middle school, and that karate ceremony.
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Gettyimages.com/A multi-ethnic group of people are indoors in a church. They are wearing clothes suitable for church. A man of African descent is reading a bible to some children.
You may be in charge of spiritual guidance
If the family is religious and you’re of the same religion, the parents may ask you to take part in the child’s religious upbringing. Maybe they’ll expect you to be at baptisms or bar mitzvahs, or to volunteer with the child.
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You might advise on sex and drugs
Later, by default, you’ll become the person they talk to about the things they don’t want to talk to their real parents about—like sex and drugs.
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In general, build a relationship
There’s no wrong way to have a relationship with the kid so long as you make an effort to have one. Whether that’s hanging out once a month, visiting once a week, or just texting a bit every day, staying in touch is what matters. Be a line of communication for the kid.
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Gettyimages.com/Basketball players having discussion at stadium. Female friends are wearing casuals. High school students are sitting together at campus.
If the real parents pass away…
The bleak reality is that if the real parents pass away, you may become the guardian of the child. This is the worst-case scenario, but it is something you should discuss and know about.
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Gettyimages.com/Cute and lovely mixed race siblings and their black mother, spending time together outdoors.
Your kids should be friends
If you have kids, you should work to cultivate the relationship between your children and your godchildren. It’s an unspoken expectation.
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Gettyimages.com/Two women, young lesbian couple sitting in cafe, drinking coffee and relaxing.
You can ask they return the favor
The good news is that now you know whom you can ask to be the godparents of your children! It’s a beautiful and symbiotic relationship—to be godparents to one another’s children.
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Gettyimages.com/Laughing girl at backyard celebration with friends and family
They may expect to return the favor
The odd news is that they may expect you to ask them to return he favor. If you don’t, they might think, “We thought you were worthy of godparent but you don’t think the same of us?”
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Gettyimages.com/Close up of African American family about to crack a piggy bank with hammers.
You may be financially obligated sooner
When you’re really close to the kid and involved in his life, you might just feel financially obligated even if the parents are alive. You may, for example, feel like you should donate to the GoFundMe for his thesis film or even help pay for some after school classes his parents can’t afford.
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