Dishonest Ways Men Get In Your Good Graces

a sleazy person

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When will men learn that being direct is the best approach to get in a woman’s good graces? The reality is that, if a woman was already interested—or open to the idea of being interested in a man—then putting it out there that he’s interested in her is just a good thing. It won’t scare her off—she was already interested! If she is scared off, it’s because the answer was “No” in the first place. Telling a woman that you are interested in something romantic is just a win-win. You either get what you want or you learn, sooner rather than later, that you were never going to. What I can say is that, if a woman is interested in you but then you trick her and use lies to get close to her, she can become disinterested. Games are unattractive. They don’t make you seem trustworthy. Here are dishonest ways men try to get in your good graces.

Offering to be a mentor

This is truly one of the grossest and most upsetting ways because they use power to try to get sex. Most intelligent and ambitious people would take up someone’s offer to mentor them if that person were successful in the same industry. Unfortunately, some men only offer to mentor women they plan on hitting on. And once the woman takes sex off the table, the mentor takes professional help off the table.

Asking to pick your brain

Then there are men who say that they want you to mentor or guide them. That’s very flattering, until you sit down to what was meant to be a professional coffee meeting to find that this man is just trying to sleep with you.

Asking for dating advice

Ah, the good old fashioned asking for dating advice trick. This is when a man comes to you to interpret text messages he’s receiving from another woman, or advise him on how to impress another woman. And then he tries to sleep with you. Huh?

Posing as a client

This is another truly offensive one—when a man poses as an interested client, just to hit on a woman. There she is, thinking that someone respects and admires her work and might give her business, only to find that someone is using her life’s work as a ploy to try to sleep with her. So disrespectful.

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Saying they want to collaborate

Then there are the colleagues and peers who say you should collaborate together. Slowly but surely, they push collaboration meetings from coffee shops to romantic restaurants and finally to their home. Essentially, they waste the professional time of that woman who thought she was doing something for her career.

Being a shoulder to cry on

One of the biggest snakes is the guy who acts like he’s just a concerned friend, hoping to help you through a breakup. Then he tries to kiss you. And then he says you were sending him signals by crying to him…even though he told you to let it out.

Offering to make an introduction

This one’s pretty slimy and terrible, too—the guy who pretends he’s going to make a useful professional introduction for you. Then that person “can’t make it” and it’s just the two of you at dinner—or worse, this guy’s home.

Asking for decorating advice

Decorating advice, shopping advice, which dog to adopt advice—all the classic things we have weaknesses for. I take my taste in décor and clothes very seriously and do not appreciate it when someone uses that to try to sleep with me.

Giving you extra tickets

The old bate and switch trick with tickets. A guy says he has extra tickets to something you really want to go to. He asks if you want them. He tells you to meet him here, on this day, to get them. Then he says he’s going with you. You feel rude saying no because, well, he’s giving you expensive tickets for free.

Pretending to like your friend

Some very sneaky guys will pretend to take an interest in your friend, and say they’d be most comfortable getting to know her in a group (aka with you there). Until suddenly they’re trying to make out with you.

Offering you a free service

To fix your computer, do your taxes, set up your sound system, or do some other task they overheard you saying you’re struggling with. Suddenly this guy is in your house dropping sleazy lines and you feel bad outright rejecting him because he’s doing something for free.

Asking for a shoulder to cry on

Empathy is one of women’s greatest attributes, and it really makes me angry when men use it against us—like men who pretend they want a shoulder to cry on after their own breakup, and then try to sleep with you.

Taking an interest in your side hustle

Your short stories, your poetry, your singing, your paintings—some men pretend to take an interest in these, just to try to sleep with you. They’re at the coffee shop where you’re performing and they even bought a ticket to watch you. It all seems so supportive until they’re trying to bang you.

Promoting your stuff, without you asking

It’s always a weird feeling when a man shares a video you made on his social media or promotes your business to his friends. And then asks you out. It’s manipulative and cruel.

Claiming something needs fixing

Some men are great actors and can make you feel like this thing about your computer or car needs fixing ASAP. They make you feel worried, like something bad will happen if you don’t let them come around and fix it. They are preying on your fear, essentially, and the hope that you’ll sleep with them for “saving you.”

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