Bad Situations For Your Partner Who Has Anxiety
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My partner has anxiety that ranges from severe to moderate, depending on what’s going on in our lives. Sometimes I forget that he has this problem, though, because I’m personally someone who calms him. Between our busy lives, and the fact that we live together, a lot of our interactions just happen at home—just us, and our adorable dog (who is very good for his anxiety, by the way). So it can be easy for me to forget that my partner has anxiety until we go out into the world and encounter people, places, and situations that trigger it. Thank goodness I have a calming effect on him because, if he were as anxious as he is out in the world all of the time, that would be very hard on everyone. That being said, we do have friends, jobs, a social life, ambitions, and a love of travel. So, yes, we do need to manage his anxiety. If you have a partner with anxiety, know that these situations can be bad for him.
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Others with anxiety
Don’t bring him around your family member or friend who also has a lot of anxiety. They’ll just get each other going. You know that one family member who is very nervous and needs to know every little detail about the plan, who will be there, are there bathrooms, where is the parking, does she need a sweater, will people like her…don’t bring your partner around her. They won’t do each other any good.
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Too many logistics
High logistic situations can be very stressful for someone with anxiety. You need to leave the house by this time to skip traffic to make it to this parking lot that doubles in price after this time but you also need to leave that event by this time in order to get a good table at this restaurant. Okay—keep that info to yourself. Maybe on high logistic days just figure out the logistics, tell your partner not to ask questions and to follow your lead, and assure him you’ve worked it all out. The details will give him anxiety.
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Rushed days
As a sub-part of high logistic days, people with anxiety struggle with rushed days. Don’t over-pack your schedules. Those with anxiety have a hard enough time relaxing and being present without the sense of a ticking clock. If you travel, for example, just plan a couple of activities a day. Leave room for downtime.
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Trips with acquaintances
While traveling with a group of people you only sort of know isn’t a big deal for most, it can be a huge trigger for those with anxiety. The combination of navigating several new personalities and figuring out train schedules, which tour to go on etc. can be too much for someone with anxiety. If you want to travel with a group, make sure your partner already has great rapport with everyone going.
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Meeting a lot of people at once
Try to pace out introducing your partner to new people. As stated before, navigating new personalities for someone with anxiety is very stressful. They often worry about saying the wrong with or having someone take something they said the wrong way. They can really only handle doing this with one or two people at a time—not all of your extended family at once.
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That opinionated friend
You know that one friend who says exactly what is on her mind and can even be a bit too opinionated but you find her endearing? Yeah—your partner with anxiety won’t find her endearing. He’ll never know when she’s teasing or really upset. That’s the worst personality type for someone with anxiety to be around
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People who love to debate
Those with anxiety hate conflict. Conflict makes their anxiety soar out of control. If you know a couple who loves to debate and bring others around them into their debate, don’t introduce them to your partner. That’s not a double date option for you.
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Performing/public speaking
Try to protect your partner from public speaking situations. If one friend says, “Your boyfriend is so funny—do you think he’d officiate our wedding?” give that a hard no.
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New cultures/settings
People with anxiety are quite sensitive and, really, they just want to make others around them comfortable and happy. They worry so much about that that, going into a brand new culture and setting can be a huge trigger. They fear that around every corner, they’ll accidentally do something rude. If you want to travel with your partner with anxiety, perhaps ease into drastically new and different cultures.
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Breaking routine
Routine provides those with anxiety a sense of calm. If your partner tells you that it’s very important to him to go to the gym today, even if that means you two don’t go on your date until a bit later, just let him go—neither of you will enjoy date night if he had to break his routine. He’ll be on edge.
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Hunger
Nobody likes to be hungry but skipping meals is especially stressful on those with anxiety. First off, it breaks their important routine. Second off, they worry that they will be cranky if they’re hungry, and that concern causes them more anxiety. Just keep some snacks in your purse for your anxious partner.
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Sensitive individuals
You aren’t phased by your ultra-sensitive friend. You know to just shrug it off when she gets upset about something—she’ll get over it. Your partner with anxiety will not shrug it off. He’ll think he did something terribly wrong. He’ll always assume the blame. Don’t bring him around your overly sensitive friend.
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Splitting costs
Twenty person dinners where splitting the bill is a major mess—your partner with anxiety hates that. Having to tell someone that he didn’t have any of the margarita pitcher, so he shouldn’t have to pay for it, is his worst nightmare.
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Backseat drivers
Don’t backseat drive with your anxious partner. Let him miss the turn, and take all the time in the world to park. His anxiety grows every time you make a comment on his driving.
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A mess
You’re going to have to be a pretty clean person to live with someone with anxiety—or at least appear tidy. A messy environment is very bad for someone with anxiety.
