Signs You’re Too Passive

Anxious Black woman resting chin on hands. (via Getty)

There are some people who grab life by the horns — and there are others who sacrifice their own needs and desires to help those around them grab life by the horns. That’s known as being too passive. While being non-combative and selfless and always willing to lend a hand are admirable qualities, passivity becomes a problem when you prioritize everyone else’s needs and wants above your own. Being too passive is especially problematic if you also allow others to disrespect or demean you without correction.

We know passivity can be sort of a gray area, so if you have a sneaking suspicion that you might need to make some changes, check out these signs you’re a bit too passive.

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You Constantly Seek Approval From Others

No matter how big or small a situation, you always go out of your way to do what others want or expect from you. Your passiveness allows you to think that others’ approval gives your thoughts, opinions and choices a sense of validation that you think you’re incapable of yourself.

While it’s easy to say that what others think of you doesn’t matter (because it does in various instances,) you have to determine the difference between accepting approval from outsiders and feeling as though you can’t survive without it.

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You Often Avoid Direct Eye Contact

You’d be surprised to know how many people struggle with making eye contact with others. When someone is overly passive however, it can cause them anxiety, nervousness and a general sense of discomfort to simply look someone directly in the eyes.

Often when people avoid eye contact it’s because they’re hiding something or they’re afraid of the person truly seeing them, flaws and all. It can be difficult to change this behavior overnight, so give yourself sometime to get comfortable with the idea before you put it into action.

Young woman consoling her friend. (via Getty)

You Downplay Yourself And Your Accomplishments

When everyone else is sitting around talking about themselves and the positive things going on in their lives, you take your opportunity to consistently downplay yourself due to your passiveness.

One reason for this is because you don’t like the attention on you, so you downplay yourself to quickly divert attention to someone else. Another reason is courtesy of serious insecurity. You should be proud of who you are and what you’ve done, and also understand that acknowledging that is necessary.

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Speaking Up For Yourself Makes You Uncomfortable

This is something we learn in elementary school, if you don’t stand up for yourself people will continue to run over you because you allow them to. Not everyone deals with confrontation well and that’s understandable, but at some point you have to speak up for yourself to command your respect.

The next time you feel like you’re not being heard, interject and make them hear you. You cannot tip-toe around it because it won’t be taken seriously. If it takes raising your voice and speaking in a way that is out of the norm for you, then so be it.

Young woman calming a depressed friend. (via Getty)

You Place Others Needs Before Your Own

Always being known as the dependable one is a double-edged sword. On one hand, everyone relies on you and that sense of responsibility can be comforting. On the other hand, you can quickly be taken advantage of when you’re in this role because your own needs are placed on the back-burner.

The key is to find a comfortable balance that allows you to be there for others without it being at the expense of yourself. Perhaps you could allot a certain period of time to help others before you focus all your attention on yourself.

Frustrated African woman in kitchen with boyfriend. (via Getty)

You Allow Yourself To Be Disrespected

People only do what you allow them to. If you constantly allow yourself to be disrespected through the actions of others, then it’s up to you to change it. Being passive should by no means be an allowance for disrespect and you need to make that clear to whomever is guilty of treating you this way.

Demand your respect in every situation and make it clear that you won’t tolerate anything less. It may feel uncomfortable at first because you’re not used to being so assertive, but it’s necessary in order to be treated respectfully.

Photo of an attractive young couple in bed. Man is sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to his wife as she tries to console him. (via Getty)

You Think You Have To Apologize For Your Feelings

Your passiveness has falsely led you to believe that your feelings should be placed on the back-burner or not acknowledged at all. Nothing could be further from the truth, however, as your feelings have merit and you should never feel obligated to apologize for how you feel.

The next time someone attempts to call your feelings into question, stop it immediately and let them know that your feelings matter to you just as much as theirs matter to them.

Young black female consoling a friend. (via Getty)

You’re Too Trusting

In the grand scheme of things, being trusting of others is actually a very great quality to have, but there is a line that must be drawn to avoid being hurt and/or used.

Being passive doesn’t mean that you have to blindly trust everyone because you’re too afraid to speak up when you feel something isn’t right. Lead with trust, but also keep a watchful eye on everyone and their motives.

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You’re Very Self-Critical

It’s often said that we are our own worst critics and when you’re an overly passive person, this rings even more true. Your passive nature leads you to constantly compare yourself to others and pick yourself apart in the areas where you don’t feel you measure up.

Take it easy on yourself, we all have flaws and none of us is perfect…even those who you think have it all. The next time you’re critical of yourself, substitute that for something positive about yourself instead.

Portrait Of Sensuous Woman With Finger On Lips Against Black Background. (via Getty)

You’re Very Soft Spoken

Not everyone has to be the loudest voice in the room and that is actually great because it offers needed balance. However, when you’re too passive you are so soft spoken to the point that you rarely say anything at all.

Being quiet or shy can be charming in a lot of instances, but also try to verbalize yourself more and make your voice count when you’re in a group of friends or family. It’ll feel weird at first, but the reward is worth it.