Gettyimages.com/A mid adult couple in their 30s sitting on a park bench overlooking a city waterfront. The woman is African-American and the man is mixed race African-American and Hispanic. They are conversing face to face.
One of my close girlfriends recently became single and she jokes about the fact that it turns out a lot of the men who she thought were her friends were actually just…patient. I experienced that when I got out of my last serious relationship, too. Things just shifted. I started noticing that my guy friends would do and say things they didn’t used to say or do. Or they stopped doing certain things that they did before. Things were no longer just easy. They were still pretty easy with my male friends who were in relationships themselves but even some of them made some inappropriate comments. I don’t get it—I have never felt differently about any of my male friends, regardless of their relationship status. Whether or not they were available had no impact on whether or not I was interested in them that way. But that’s apparently not the case for guys. It’s just a reality of becoming single after a long-term relationship. Here are funny ways your male friends behave when you become single.
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First, it’s all sweet and concerned
First, they go into protective brother mode. They can’t believe that somebody hurt you. Their instincts to take care of you, and lend a listening ear, are still there. Guy friends actually make really great support systems after a breakup…at first.
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Then things change
Eventually, you’ll notice them change a bit. Yesterday, they wanted to hear all about how you were feeling about the breakup and today, suddenly, they’d rather change the subject. That’s the wheels in their brains turning, and realizing that they could have a chance with you now…So they don’t want you to see them as their therapist during this breakup.
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They add, “Just as friends”
Some sort of spaz out and don’t know how to behave. They’ll call and ask if you want to go to lunch or to the movies—something you’ve done hundreds of times before together—but they’ll add, “Just as friends.” Yeah—you had no question about that.
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More comments on your appearance
You’ll notice the little comments on your appearance start creeping in. It’ll be the nervous, “You look really nice tonight…by the way” and the “Those jeans do good things for your butt.”
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More emojis in texts
Text messages will become a little more flirtatious in nature. You’ll notice a lot more emojies and ellipses (men love those for some reason). They used to be more straightforward in their texts.
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They pay for stuff
Your male friends may start picking up the bill a bit more. You don’t necessarily hate this but, you wonder if it comes with expectations.
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They don’t like when you talk to dudes
Your male friends can suddenly become a bit possessive. If you go with one to a bar, but you chat with another man, your friend is clearly a little hurt. When you were in a relationship, and went to bars with this friend, he didn’t care if you wandered off and talked to other people.
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They sh*t talk your ex
The way they really felt about your ex comes out (and it’s not good). Or, maybe they didn’t mind your ex but they just want to make sure you don’t consider getting back with him at all (to make room for themselves).
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More meaningless texting
You’ll notice an uptick in text messages. Your male friends might send you more funny memes, or funny thoughts they wanted to share with you. They just want to be in your subconscious…
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They say, “If it’s not weird…”
You don’t think it’s weird if they sit on the same side of the booth as you, sit on the same couch as you during movie night, or sleep over—as they have many times before. But they’ll add, “If it’s not weird…” to everything.
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They tell you less about their sex lives
They’ll start telling you less about their sex lives because telling you about those would be keeping themselves decidedly in the friend zone. Little do they know, they’re never leaving that zone.
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They tell you less about their dates
Your male friends also tell you less and less about their dates. They want to maybe, possibly be a romantic option for you and they can’t be if they’re talking about their other romantic endeavors.
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They don’t want to hear about your sex life
You used to be able to tell your male friends about your sex life but now they say it’s, “Too much” and that you can keep that to yourself.
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The not-so-subtle questions
They think they’re being oh so subtle when they ask things like, “Hey, just out of curiosity—do you think it ever works if a man and a woman start as friends and then they start dating?” Very smooth.
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Things re-stabilize (mostly)
Eventually, some guys realize you’re not going to become more than friends, and that takes pressure off them so they can start acting normal again (thank goodness). Some guys make a move, profess their love, and then it just gets weird.
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