10 Reasons Women Should Not Claim A Man Before The One Year Mark - Page 4

Last night’s “Ready-Like” episode of “Insecure,” featured a glowing, giddy Issa falling head over heels for her new beau, Nathan. After relishing in some “I like you” post-coital bliss, Issa proudly told her friends that her supportive bae was her “mans.” Unfortunately, the ribbons in the sky for their love came floating back to earth by the end of the episode, with Nathan suddenly going M.I.A on Issa without an explanation.

Despite this show being fictional, the rollercoaster ride of emotions pictured here is accurate af. This is one disappointment game that I try my hardest to avoid.

One of the most brilliant pieces of dating advice I ever received was that “dating is for collecting data.” In the flurry of emotions that accompany the euphoria of falling in love, this simple directive has helped me to soberly understand that these first couple of months together aren’t an automatic prelude to forever, rather, it is a time to collect information. In your first year dating someone, you get to understand who they are in detail. 12 months is a good amount of time to see how your significant other reacts to stress, pressure, anxiety and fear. It’s just enough togetherness to discover your compatibility when it comes to values, settling disagreements and compromising. This is when lifestyle matches or mismatches are discovered, and commitment potential is explored. A year is enough time to take off the “rose colored glasses” of good conversation and good d*ck to more accurately examine lifetime partner potential.

Here are some reasons you should hold off on publicly and personally claiming someone as your man, until you at least hit the shiny one year mark.

You Don’t Know Him

Sorry, sis. I know it feels like your souls have been intertwined in this life and the life before, but the reality check of it all is, you don’t know who this guy is. This person (like you) has a range of experiences, encounters, wounds and triggers that comes with his pretty package, and it’s important to get to know his history organically before you commit to carrying it with him.

Watch Him Over Four Seasons

Don’t get caught up out here being a “cuffing season” bae. We all know that most people are more prone to get coupled up when the weather gets a little chilly, and then bounce once the climate warms up. Watching a potential forever-mate though a summer, winter, fall and spring will help you really see if this relationship is a lifelong or seasonal investment. Also, certain weather tends to bring out certain moods (SADs are real). You want to make sure you can tolerate the person they are in all climates. As New Edition says, “Can you stand the rain?”

Avoid Social Media Embarrassment 

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, “Do not invite strangers into your love story.” The early days of bond building are so fragile, and the last thing you want are people being “fake emoji happy” in your comment sections while DMing your man behind your back. Keep the beginning stages to yourself, and once you have a solid foundation, the input of every one else won’t even matter.

Get Played In Private

I’m the type of person who likes to take my L’s in private. I used to be a chronic relationship social media poster, until I got sick of taking those pictures down and avoiding relationship inquiries from the Internets in the aftermath. Breaking up is hard enough, breaking up in front of the world is even harder.

Helps Manage Your Own Expectations

You don’t need to put a “husband” title on a boyfriend. I know it’s easy to rush down the aisle of your mind (trust me, been there, still am there), but definitions exist for a reason. Dating is to get to know someone. Boyfriend means we know enough about each other to invest in building the relationship while shutting out other options. Fiance means we have agreed to grow together, forever. Married means we are now growing together forever. Let each phase have its grace. No rush.

Talk Is Cheap

Don’t you want to SEE the man DO the things he said he’s going to do? So much of the beginning of our courtships are all talk, a year gives your significant other a chance to do. He says “I love you,” but how does he show it? He says “I’ll always support you,” but where is he when you lose your job? Don’t miss the action part of love because you are too busy falling in love with the opening statements. A man is an amalgamation of what he consistently does. Give him a chance to prove himself.

Honeymoon Phase Can Last Months

According to some experts the good folks at Elite Daily spoke to, the “honeymoon phase” can last three months.  You cannot, I mean CANNOT commit to someone based on an early relationship utopia. I mean, you can, but you will also miss some red flags along the way.

Make Sure It’s Reciprocal 

This should go without saying, but don’t jump the gun. You want to make sure that before you start claiming that man, that he is on the same page with you. You both should be in a place where this next step comes naturally and with enthusiasm. If he has resistance to it, either he’s not ready, or you’re not a match. Time gives you an opportunity to see which outcome fits your situation.

Likelihood Of Breaking Up Decreases After A Year

Ah yes, we are settling in now. According to the Washington Post, “once a relationship lasts a year, the likelihood that it ends begins to drop precipitously.” After you’ve watched, studied, grown and learned with your person for a year, this is a good time to start making the firm commitments, if you’re ready. You’ve lasted four seasons, gotten to know each other’s moods and emotions, worked through those first arguments, and can clearly see if there is lasting potential here.