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It happened to me when I was single: I woke up one day and realized that I hadn’t had sex in over a year. Whoops. I hadn’t been in a serious relationship in two years and, for at least a year, I hadn’t found someone with whom I wanted to get naked. I wasn’t trying to refrain from sex but, I also wasn’t going to have sex with someone I didn’t really like. I’m just that way—I don’t do casual or random sex. I don’t judge those who do but I need an emotional and mental connection to feel physically stimulated. If you’re like me then you, too, may find yourself accidentally celibate for a long time. And then, you may notice a few other things happen. Abstaining for a long time affects the body and mind in some funny ways. It also affects your social life a bit. Here are funny ways long-term celibacy can affect you.
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Your imagination gets the best of you
You find yourself fantasizing about dragging the concierge at your hotel into the utilities closet behind him, or showing up at that somewhat cute neighbor’s door totally naked. Your brain is essentially rebelling against your body.
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It feels like a secret
Sometimes, when people around you talk about having sex, the fact that you haven’t in a while feels like a secret. You even feel somewhat…guilty. You find yourself hiding the information and you aren’t sure why.
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You wonder if you remember how
It’s only normal to find yourself wondering, “Do I still know how to have sex.” But, yes, you do—it’s just like riding a bicycle. You don’t really forget.
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Sex scenes in movies make you uncomfortable
For some reason, you begin fidgeting during sex scenes during movies. Or getting up to do some chore around the house. Your brain is rejecting the sex in front of you—maybe because it’s so foreign to your body.
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You feel like an imposter at brunch
When you get together with friends and they begin sharing hookup stories, you feel like an imposter. You have nothing to share, and you can’t even say, “I know exactly what you mean…” to one friend’s story.
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It puts pressure on dates
If you mention to dates that you haven’t had sex in a very long time, you can see them tighten up. You’ve put pressure on them. If you have sex, it better be good. Or, they fear you’ll take it too seriously.
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You can be high-strung
Having sex helps decrease stress hormones in your body, and orgasms can have an overall relaxing effect on the muscles. So you may find yourself a little stressed out if you haven’t done the deed in a while.
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You may catch a cold
Studies have actually found that having regular sex can boost the immune system. So, if you’re having a dry season, um, down there, you may have a tough flu season.
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You kind of become re-virginized
When you do have sex again, it will kind of hurt. It won’t be as bad as when you were a true virgin but it may cause some discomfort.
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You care less when you go out
You really don’t give a sh*t about how you look when you go out to run errands. It’s just different when sex isn’t in your life—you don’t think of every outing as an opportunity to meet someone.
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Cramps can be worse
If you ever need a reason to talk your partner into having period sex, just tell him that orgasms reduce period cramps. And that means that you will be less cranky.
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And PMS in general
Orgasms have pain-killing effects, they boost intimacy between you and your partner (reducing those little PMS-provoked fights), and help you sleep (which is great for PMS).
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You become a prude
For some reason, the longer you’ve been celibate, the more sensitive you become to all the new acts people are coming up with. If you just haven’t been, ya know, in the trenches, you can’t imagine why people are doing that.
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You may feel dumber
Studies have found that 30 parts of a woman’s brain activate when she orgasms, so you may find that you feel more focused and alert after orgasms. So if you aren’t having those…
