Gettyimages.com/Young woman enjoying rooftop party
When you’re out in the dating world, you experience a lot of well this is awkward moments. Sometimes, the way someone acts on a date is just painful to watch. You feel for them because, they think they’re making a good impression, and you know they’re just going to go out into the world and repeat that behavior. They’ll never know it’s the exact reason you never called them back. You could try to tell them but, you know how people can be about feedback—not everyone is ready to hear it. Not everyone believes it. Some guys are just stuck in their ways, or they insist this or that tactic is something women like, based on bad advice their male friends gave them. Men, when in doubt, don’t go for a thing. What I mean is, don’t try too hard to come off as charming or suave. It can backfire. It often does. Here are first date behaviors men think are polite but are just rude.
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Shaking the server’s hand
We’ve all witnessed it: the server comes to your table, and asks to take your order, but before giving it, your date asks for the server’s name, shakes her hand, repeats her name, and asks how her night is going. He thinks it makes him so nice. But it’s actually kind of gross because it’s this self-aware moment in which he’s thinking, “I’m in a position above you and am going to talk to you like an equal to show how kind I am.” Or you could just…quit that strange and twisted charade and put in your order.
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Saying, “Order whatever you want”
When a guy tells you to order whatever you want on the menu, he thinks he’s being generous, but he’s actually being condescending. All he’s doing is implying that, there could be a scenario by which you wouldn’t be allowed to order whatever you want on the menu. You aren’t asking for charity here. You were always going to order whatever you wanted.
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“Oh thank God; you look like your photo”
It’s a relief when someone looks like the photos in their dating profiles. But when guys make a whole big deal about it, they’re also—in a sideways way—letting you know how many women haven’t, and how not okay with it they are.
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Ordering for the table
No matter how well the guy knows the menu, he shouldn’t order for the table. He has no idea what you like, or if you have allergies. Nor should he presume that his taste is the best taste—taste is subjective.
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“I put my phone away”
Some dates will announce, so proudly, that they’ve put their phone away for this date. Or left it in the car. As if they deserve a reward for…not texting at dinner?
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“Is this date going well?”
If a guy likes you, he’ll probably want to know how you feel about the date. And while he thinks that simply asking you is the nice thing to do, it’s actually not if you are not into the date. That just puts you on the spot.
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Picking a place that “women like”
Ugh. I can’t stand this. I went on too many dates when I complimented the place the guy chose, and he replied by saying, “Yeah—a lot of women like this place.” Thank you for reminding me that you go on a lot of dates and have your go-to place you take everyone to. Also, not all women like the same thing.
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Asking to split the check
Look either do or don’t. What I mean is, tell the server you’re splitting it, or just hand the server your card and tell her to put it all on there. Don’t do some strange dance in which you ask your date, “What do you think about us splitting this?” We don’t appreciate tests.
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Complaining for you to the server
So, the server got your order wrong. You say it’s not big deal. But your date insists it is, flags down the server, complains for you, and isn’t very nice about it. He’s not defending you; he’s just being a jerk of a customer.
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Self-praise for not being a dog
“I was going to sit next to you but I want you to feel comfortable so I’ll sit over here.” Wonderful. You get a trophy for…not disrespecting my physical boundaries? You could just respect them and not make a whole thing about it.
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“Take the emergency call”
Yes, some women ask a friend to call them halfway through their date and fake some emergency, in case the woman wants to get out of the date. Then, if the date is going well, there will be a code word, and the friend will say everything’s fine. But if you’re a man who thinks that might be happening, don’t call your poor date out on it—we all have to do what we have to do to make it through dating.
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Mansplain the menu
We really don’t need you to tell us what an aioli sauce is, or to say, “So here are the pastas, and on this page is the salads, and over here is the seafood.” We can read.
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The “I’m here” text
We will know you are there when we walk in and find you there. We all know that, “I’m here” means, “You’re late and I’m waiting.” Okay—chill.
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Comparing her to past dates
“You’re so much better than the last five women I went out with. The first one did this and the second one said…” Yikes. Can a man give a woman a compliment without bashing other women?
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Telling her she can dress casually
“Wear whatever you want” or “It’s casual so, no need to dress up.” We’ll dress just fine and we’ll look great. We don’t need permission from our date to dress a certain way.
