Behaviors You Should Not Ignore After The "Honeymoon" Phase

African couple dancing at nightclub

As the saying goes, “Ignorance is bliss.” The first couple of months of falling in love are so euphoric most couples breeze by those glaring red flags that sometimes spell out relationship doom. But the early haze of love eventually fades into the reality of the work. Couples will experience more arguments and disagreements and will have to decide to make compromises for the betterment of the relationship. Healthy couples can face these difficulties head on, while couples who aren’t destined to be, may find themselves caught in a toxic cycle of conflict.

Therapist Julie Williamson, LPC, NCC, told Bustle, 

“If you’re in a serious relationship with the intention of it lasting long-term, you may not want to waste any more time than a year trying to resolve some of these issues. Most likely, if nothing has changed and these things are still common problems in your relationship after one year, chances are they won’t be changing on their own anytime soon.”

Here are some questions you should ask yourself about your partner after the first year of your relationship.

How Does He Handle Conflict?

Every relationship has a healthy amount of tension. Just the nature of being people means we aren’t going to agree on everything and see eye to eye on every issue. But your partner should be open to dive into those conversations without running away.

Are You Ignoring Red Flags?

Emotional abuse–which includes manipulation, negging, gas lighting etc–are huge issues that can’t be ignored. If your partner is consistently rude, mean or insulting, it’s definitely not a character trait you should tolerate.

“Sometimes we think that if we ‘wait it out,’ that it will get better, or if it’s just ‘isolated’ incidents, it’s not that big of a deal,” Williamson told Bustle. If your person isn’t actively seeking counseling for his issues and it’s not improving, you may need to make an exit.

How Well Does Your Partner Compromise?

Man zipping up girlfriend’s dress

In your relationship, you don’t need the whole “two become one” experience outside of the bedroom–but you all should be able to meet in the middle.

“Relationships are about compromise,” Joshua Klapow, PhD, clinical psychologist told Bustle. “You do not need to lose your sense of identity but you cannot live like a single individual if you are in a relationship.”

Is He Committed?

Relaxed couple kissing

As your relationship evolves you should be including one another in holidays, family gatherings and big life decisions. If your partner is operating totally independent of your feelings, they may not be as committed to the relationship as you are.

Are You Both Satisfied In Your Sex Life?

This is a photograph of a young African American couple enjoying wine on a balcony in downtown San Diego. This is a cross processed image creating a surreal sky.

It’s normal for the early days of hot, heady sex to dissipate as you become more comfortable with each other. But the key to a good sex life in healthy coupledom is talking about your wants, desires and needs. If you don’t feel comfortable having those conversations, that resistance may be something to explore.

How Do You Communicate?

Young woman standing on bed with man lying down

Yelling, screaming and cussing are not productive ways to have a conversation. We all can learn better ways to express ourselves, but if you and your bae can’t calmly work through issues, that could be a sign.

Is His Ex Still Around?

Afro american friendly couple sitting on sofa at home and using a digital tablet together. Close up of faces.

People who maintain friendships with exes have been associated with personality characters linked to narcissism and psychopathy.

It’s one thing for your partner to be friendly with an ex as an acquaintance, but if it goes too far, you need to reconsider your relationship boundaries and respect.

Do They Respect Your Boundaries?

Gettyimages.com/Young beautiful couple sharing coffee and using laptop on the sofa.

Do you need a day of alone time? Are you not comfortable having sex everyday? Do you need to not take phone calls during the work day so you can focus? Every couple takes time to work out their groove, but if after a year your person can’t respect your boundaries that are crucial to your life, that is definitely a red flag.