Getting Divorced For The Wrong Reasons
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It’s amazing how quickly people forget their wedding vows. Sometimes I think they only write them to look good in front of the guests at their wedding, and to flex their muscles in the romantic literature department. However, vows aren’t supposed to be just things that sound nice when you stand at the altar in a white dress—they’re part of a contract. Now, for the record, I believe there are good reasons to get divorced. Yes, sometimes, divorce is in order. When my mom learned that my dad not only had a mistress but two—one whose entire family he was also financially supporting—I never hesitated in giving my support on that divorce. But there’s a difference between a mistake and getting fed up with who somebody is. It’s important to recognize that difference. Here are wrong reasons to get a divorce.
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A change in career
Your partner is not his career. And your love for him shouldn’t alter based on his status, position in society, or lifestyle that his job provides. When you love someone, you want them to be happy, and if a different job would make your partner happy then, in theory, the joy you derive from that should make up for any resulting adjustments.
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A loss of income
Couples fall on hard times. Sometimes life isn’t what you’d imagine. But if you’re with the right person, you should be just as happy in a mansion as a studio apartment. Alright, maybe not just as happy…
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Questioning one’s faith
If you and your partner are of the same faith and he starts to question it, then it’s your job as his partner to walk him through this time. In fact, if one questions his faith, and then still believes in it after, it’s stronger.
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Emotional infidelity
Emotional infidelity is incredibly common and should not be equated with an actual affair, in my opinion. Plenty of people who emotionally cheat would never cross the line into something physical. And emotional affairs tend to happen when one person feels emotionally abandoned in their relationship. Still, it’s something that can be overcome.
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Lack of adventure
You aren’t spontaneous enough anymore as a couple. Okay, well, do something about that. Plan a trip. Break your routine. If you were spontaneous in the past, it wasn’t by luck or chance: that was all you, so just do that work again. Spontaneity can fall by the wayside in any relationship. There is no one else you can be with forever and not lose spontaneity.
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Lack of sex
This is another issue that, if you believe simply being with someone else would fix, you’re fooling yourself. Every couple, after a while, has less sex. People get busier, more tired, or find satisfaction in other parts of the relationship. You can get your sex life back if you’re willing to put in the work—and didn’t you promise to put in that work when you got married?
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Depression
Nobody responds to a partner’s depression perfectly. It’s very complex. But being loyal to someone means being there for them even when they cannot necessarily be there for you in return, and even when they aren’t the bubbly, happy person you know them to be. It’s your job to help them get back to that.
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Periods of selfishness
There may be times when your partner’s career or other responsibilities consume his attention, leaving you feeling ignored and neglected. But part of being a good partner means calling someone out on their stuff in a loving way. They’ll never know if you don’t say anything.
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Friend’s disapproval
If your friends or family are suggesting you get a divorce, think hard and long. Do they have all the information? Do they have ulterior motives? Honestly, if you’re to the point of listening to others, then maybe you should listen to a professional—like a couple’s counselor—who has an unbiased opinion.
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A new, more exciting partner
Everyone’s exciting at first. But you know what? All couples get settled and wind up in ruts if they don’t put in the work. Jumping ship to someone new and “exciting” means you aren’t willing to put in the work, and will wind up in the same situation with that new person later.
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A change in physique
People put on weight, get breast reductions, lose weight, have surgery, and go through all sorts of physical changes in a lifetime. There does, of course, need to be attraction there, but you shouldn’t just leave someone because they look different than they used to. You should be able to have an open discussion about how to stay attracted to one another.
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Sickness
Caring for someone who is sick is incredibly taxing. But what about the “in sickness and in health” part of your vows? If you want the good, happy, easy years, then you need to make the extra effort when years are not so light and simple.
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You’ve grown apart
You grew apart due to a lack of actions and you can grow back together by taking action. Your bond is not out of your control—you were the ones who built it in the first place.
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You want to be selfish
You want to travel the world, spend money recklessly, and pretty much change everything about yourself and your surroundings. So…that sounds like a mid-life crisis. It can come before or after traditional middle age and people often feel like they need a divorce during that time. And then they regret it when they get past that hump. Being in mid-life crisis is like being a teen again: don’t trust your impulses.
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You’re just unhappy
Marriage isn’t supposed to be some toy or form of entertainment that always brings you joy. It’s a foundation, and when it is strong, standing upon it feels incredible. And when it is weak, you need to get down in the trenches and make repairs. You don’t just walk away.
